Does the idea of a first date give you sweaty palms and a racing heart?! Well, it shouldn’t. A first date is no more than an introduction. It’s a chance to meet someone new, expand your horizons, have a good time, even wear that new dress or try out that new shade of blush! Don’t over think it. You might ask yourself, “Is he cute enough?” “Does he make enough money?” “Is he solid, stable, commitment centered, generous and faithful?” Forget about all this! Go out and enjoy your time together, but remember these pointers for a successful first (and second, third, fourth and so on) date:
1. Look your best. Consider wearing a dress or a skirt, wear color and add some feminine touches to your outfit! Try wearing long dangly earrings, sexy stilettos or wedges that show off your pedicured toes, beautiful makeup that suits you and isn’t overly done, and let your hair down and make sure its brushed and shiny. You want to look on point. You want to look feminine. And you want to accentuate your best features.
2. Smell good. Wear perfume. Men notice how women smell, and you’ll make a lasting impression if you smell good! If you’re allergic to perfume, try body spray. VS makes a great line of body sprays. Even your local CVS or Walgreens carries body sprays that smell great!
3. It’s an introduction, not a therapy session. A first date is not the time to get to know a man’s entire life story, his every woe, heart break and disappointment! This is actually the quickest way to put out the sizzle. Keep it light. Don’t reveal too much on your first date. You shouldn’t be discussing your health problems, your greatest fears, your family problems and other personal matters. Go with his lead. Talk about current events, weather, travel, sports, there is a whole world out there to discuss! If your date starts to get too personal with you, remember you don’t have to answer any questions you feel are intrusive. You can ignore the question, or just tell him “That’s private!” (Followed by a smile). If your date divulges personal things about his life or goes into long winded stories about him and his ex, listen but then change the subject the first chance you get. A first date should be light.
4. Listen more. If you are the chatty type, avoid talking too much. Tone it down. A first date gives you the chance to learn a lot about your date. Most of the time, you can learn what a man wants out of a relationship with you on the very first date. His comments that tell you the most will be made in jest (meaning casually spoken). Listen! If he tells you he’s had a girl friend for nine years but has never been engaged (and he’s in his thirties), listen! If he tells you he’s had four girlfriends in the past month, listen! If he says he has no plans to marry, doesn’t want to have kids, doesn’t know how his married friends with children can stand their lives, listen! You will not be the one to change him. People tell you a lot about themselves through their stories, their appearance and how they carry themselves. Actually, language is just one way how people express themselves. If you study their body language, pick up on their energies, and notice their walk and talk, you can learn quite a lot about them.
5. Don’t try too hard. Trying too hard is the kiss of death, and a man can always tell when a woman is trying too hard. Be yourself, be confident. If a man doesn’t like you for YOU he’s not going to like the overly animated, overly flirty, overly funny, overly anything of you! Be yourself. There is someone out there for every body!
6. Keep calm. On the first date things might go wrong. The food might be over cooked, undercooked or just plain horrible! Someone might run late, you might forget and lock your keys in your car, the movie might turn out to be a total dud. The point is, just accept that not everything is going to go perfectly or how you wanted it to! Don’t be overly dramatic. If your food is horrible, if the movie wasn’t funny, if the musical show is delayed, don’t say anything. Give zero comment to the things on the date that are not to your liking, and comment on the positive only. Greatly limit your negative comments, and appreciate and comment on the things going well on the date. The weather, the ambiance, the company, etc.
7. End the date first. If it’s been six hours or more (Dinner dates can be 4-6 hours, drinks dates are between two to three hours) and your date wants to take you to a club and go dancing, decline politely. He can ask you out again if he wants to see you. Remember, men like to rush things in the beginning, especially if they like you, but they also tire easily. It’s like a kid around candy. He will eat as much as he possibly can, but guaranteed he will get sick afterwards. Leave your date wanting more. Smoothly transition into ending the date. Tell him something like, “I have a really big day tomorrow, I have to get my beauty rest!” No need to go into details. Simply express your enjoyment of the date, and nicely excuse yourself.
8. Say thank you at the end of the date. There is no need to send a text message that same night or the next day to thank your date. It’s unnecessary. Avoid unnecessary actions at all costs (because nine times out of 10 they will back fire). Say thank you and mean it sincerely at the end of the date. Fini.
9. Wait for the man to contact you. Again, no thank you texts, Facebook adds or messages, emails or phone calls. Be patient. Wait for him to be in touch with you. If he’s interested, he’ll be in touch.
10. Be responsive. If he contacts you for another date and you like him, you can accept. If it’s last minute (less than 2-3 days in advance), tell him “I’d love to go out with you, but I already have plans for [x] day.” Wait until he counteroffers with another day, and then accept! It’s best when dates are made in advance (this is gone over in my book) because a man treats you as precious when you treat your time as precious. He also doesn’t get bored easily of you. He looks forward to seeing you! If your schedule is impossible, then you must clear it up (especially Saturday nights) if you want to date a man and move forward with a relationship.