How To Know If She Doesn’t Want To Be Kissed

no smooching signals

After the Smooch Signals blog posted yesterday I received this email from a Guest Writer. I thought it will be great to share what she has to say.

“I have been watching the TV technique…not that that’s any reflection of reality. But anyway, most of the time in the movies, the woman puts her lips very close to the man’s lips (after some appropriate pause in the conversation).

He gets the clue (how could he not?) and completes the last inch required for contact. For me, I have never had to be that assertive and if I really like the guy, would probably be too shy to move in before he does. If we are both shy, well, I guess we’ll have to get really drunk first, stumble into each other and bump our lips together by accident before one of us blushes and pulls away. But according to your blog, the guys are never shy and are basically going to give it a try no matter what.

So maybe you should find out what women do to give out the signal that they DON’T want to be kissed?

Here are some obvious clues;

  • She throws up.
  • She leaves the party w/out saying good-bye
  • She talks about having a cold or the flu
  • She hides in the bathroom until you wander away
  • She initiates a short and sweet peck on the cheek and turns her back on you.
  • She doesn’t answer the phone when you call
  • She doesn’t call back
  • She lets you kiss her while firmly keeping you at a distance with her hand on your chest
  • She starts eating a slice of pizza … or anything
  • She checks her phone for messages
  • She belches like a truck driver
  • She talks about how much you would like her friend Bambi (unless she is into some other arrangements we won’t discuss here)”

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He Says, She Hints

relationship dating advice

Last night, a friend asked me for some dating advice on how to understand men. Well, as we all know understanding men is not an easy task. As a representative of the male gender, I have to say, yes it is difficult to understand men but slightly easier than understanding women.
Hopefully, I didn’t push the buttons of those feminist women out there with that comment above.

I tried explaining my friend the psychology of men and how simpler it is than women think. My thoughts started to come together.

After some more observations on human behavior, discussions, squeezing the stress ball by my desk, making fist-size paper balls and shooting a few into a trash can nearby, I decided to begin a perhaps controversial series of posts about relationship dating advice. Let’s begin with communication;

UNDERSTANDING MEN 101

Why men don’t get hints

Hints – The encrypted way of women to metaphorically ask for something

Don’t waste your energy hinting a guy into throwing the garbage out by saying – “This kitchen is a mess” – . Or while at the video rental store, – “Do you really want to go to watch that movie?” – when clearly you would rather pick a chick flick. The dictionary defines encrypt as; To put into code or cipher. To alter using a secret code so as to be unintelligible to unauthorized parties. Yes, women use a secret code that not even Dan Brown (author of the DaVinci Code) can figure it out. And who is part of the unauthorized party? men are. We don’t take hints because we men, are not subtle at all. We tell it like it is.

– “Hey, what do you think about this for her birthday gift, Bro?” a man ask his buddy.

– “That is crap, you cheap bastard! Why are you giving her pots and kitchenware for her birthday? That’s not for her; that’s for the kitchen. Why is she sleeping with you, again?”

While women are proud of their female intuition, developed through thousands and thousands of years trying to communicate with their newborns in caves, we lack this so called intuition.

Women can read other people’s auras, and sense with touch how another female or young creature might be feeling. They have a soothing and complex way of communicating with each other. They connect on three thousand different levels with another woman. And the deeper, the better. That is why they love to do all that crazy stuff like mantra, palm reading, aerobics, yoga, group therapies, go shopping and buy shoes, dance closely with each other and/or get drunk and make out. We see all those activities as lesbian-bordering activities and fantasize about it. We don’t understand why women love to bond in such ways.

Male bonding consists of watching a ball game, grabbing a beer, belching, farting and, very important, seating on your own chair. We don’t share couches, not even 12 feet long couches. It is just gay.

On the other hand we men, until recently, have been going out and hunting the next meal for the family for thousands and thousands of years. We went hunting with other Neanderthals fellas.

We see, we point to a prey, we hunt, we eat, we fart.

That is as far as communication went amongst pre-historic men. And to be honest, I don’t think it has changed that much.

So my dear friend, to summarize, we men are primitive beings that haven’t evolved that much communication-wise. We are still on the first floor of evolution while women are on the second floor. It is another level of communication.

Would You Beat Your Girlfriend’s Seven Evil Exes?

I have definitely dated girls with Seven Idiotic Exes and a few with Lazy Exes. But Seven Evil Exes? … Sorry Girl.

Check Out The Movie Trailer of the Day: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. Meet charming and jobless Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera). A bass guitarist for garage band. He has just met the girl of his dreams … literally. But as you all know there is always a catch. To win her heart he needs to defeat her seven evil exes. Unfortunately, they are seven super villains with different superpowers.

I’m pretty sure love will beat them all.