Why You Can Be In A Relationship & Still Focus On Yourself

Self-respect is essential for any healthy relationship. But when working with individuals in their search for love, I’m still always surprised to hear a common sentiment: “I need to focus on myself before I start dating.”

My surprise isn’t due to disapproval. I love that people have this feeling; it means they’re aware that real love starts within. But here’s the thing: dating doesn’t mean you aren’t focused on yourself.

The inherent problem in this sentiment is that many of us believe that dating or being in a relationship means we can’t retain who we are and what we want anymore. It’s as if we think a partner necessarily needs to take over our lives, and that they will preclude us from following our own path of self-growth. Continue reading

How To Express Your Authentic Truth In Relationships

“I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells with Rosalyn,” my client Sean admitted during our recent Skype session. “I hate that we can’t talk about problems in our relationship. As soon as something comes up that isn’t going her way, she attacks me and blames me. I don’t know what to do.”

Sean is not alone. I hear this over and over from my clients. One of the most common reasons for this issue is that people in relationships often fall into a toxic, caretaker-taker dynamic. What does this mean? One of the partners – “the taker” – is needy and demanding, using anger and blame to get what they believe they need from the other person. The other partner – “the caretaker” – is also controlling, but in a much more covert way. Continue reading

20-Somethings Have Invented a New Relationship Status, and It’s Called “Dating Partner”

“So, is he your boyfriend?” my friend asked, turning her head to the side and leaning in. I’d just recounted a lovely, snow-filled weekend I’d spent upstate with a man I’d been hanging out with for three months.

I felt unprepared. I quickly conducted an invisible assessment of the relationship in my head. Deep conversations: yes, and often. Exciting outings: yup, from hiking to art shows. Texting frequency: once a week. Post-coital cuddling: always. A “defining the relationship” conversation: nope. A desire for a “defining the relationship” conversation: absolutely not. Continue reading

How To Have A “Coregasm” (And Why You’d Want To)

I had just returned home after a great Pilates class and was bending down to load some dishes in the dishwasher when it happened. I felt my abdominal and thigh muscles flex, contract, quiver and then … boom! It was a coregasm! But how did it happen? Why did it happen? And most importantly, how could I make it happen again?

I had definitely heard about exercise-induced orgasms (what I’m calling “coregasms”) before in my life. But I always thought the coregasm was an urban myth, like a unicorn, the stuff of fairytales and legend. But since my own core-na-graphic experience in the kitchen, I’ve learned a few things about this very real phenomenon. Continue reading

Why You’re Having Bad Sex + What To Do About It

Recall the best sex you have ever had. I can almost guarantee that nothing about it was spontaneous. Whether it was anticipation of the date, the flirting that took place beforehand, your outfit or the cologne you decided to wear, sex was on your mind as a “plan,” at least somewhat.

Interestingly, we often associate spontaneous sex with passion and enthusiasm. While don’t long for the clumsy moves or awkward kisses of our teen years, we still tend to rely on youthful misguided intentions to propel us toward fulfilling sexual experiences. We glorify the idea of “spontaneous sex” at face value, forgetting that intentionality can make all the difference. Continue reading

How To Express Your Authentic Truth In Relationships

How To Express Your Authentic Truth In Relationships

“I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells with Rosalyn,” my client Sean admitted during our recent Skype session. “I hate that we can’t talk about problems in our relationship. As soon as something comes up that isn’t going her way, she attacks me and blames me. I don’t know what to do.”

Sean is not alone. I hear this over and over from my clients. One of the most common reasons for this issue is that people in relationships often fall into a toxic, caretaker-taker dynamic. What does this mean? One of the partners — “the taker” — is needy and demanding, using anger and blame to get what they believe they need from the other person. The other partner — “the caretaker” — is also controlling, but in a much more covert way. Continue reading

Top 8 Reasons Women Cheat: This May Surprise You!

Most women have been taught since childhood to be “good little girls”, “behave like a lady”, and “grin and bear it”. Remember hearing the saying “little girls are made of sugar and spice, and all things nice”?

Fast forward to the 21st century, where women are now allowed to be tough, to say NO, to speak their mind, to become CEO’s and to enjoy sex. Women have become more assertive and in tune to their needs, wants and desires. Continue reading

8 Scientifically Proven Ways To Have The Best Relationship Of Your Life

For many of us, our romantic relationships are one of the most central part of our lives. When things are going well, they are a source of total joy; but when they’re not, our relationships can bring about heartache. Though ultimately, our happiness really depends on how we handle our relationships, and how we treat ourselves.

There are probably things we have done or said in our relationships this year that have made things a little more tough than we’d like. The good news is that we can change — and what better time to reflect and set intentions for a better relationship than the end of the year?

If you want this year to be one in which you have the best love life possible, consider making these relationship resolutions:

1. Look at your relationship with clear eyes.

In reality, not all romantic relationships are worth maintaining. So, start by taking an objective look at your current relationship. Is your partner abusive? Disrespectful? Overly jealous? Are you two codependent? Can you be your authentic self with your partner? Do you two bring out the best in one another? Continue reading

3 Ways To Spark Your Charisma, Even If You’re Not Charismatic

Have you ever wondered what exactly “charisma” is? And have you ever wondered how you could “get it” … even if you feel like you’re not charismatic?

I remember as a young girl watching my father win over people everywhere he went. It didn’t matter if we were at a mall, at a restaurant, or at the beach. Within just five minutes, my dad always seemed to have a cohort of new friends gathered around him.

At the time, I didn’t understand what my dad was doing or what “charisma” was — let alone how “charisma” worked. But now that I teach it to other people and have broken it down in a practical way, I realized that being charismatic is about how you feel about yourself. It’s not a fancy technique or tactic. When you feel “magnetic” to yourself, you will draw people to you as a result.

But let’s start with a basic question: why try to be more charismatic anyway? For one, having charisma instantly makes people like you, but also trust you. That could mean more income. More friends. Your first choice of a partner.

Is it hard to “get” charisma, though? Not at all. I’m going to show you three ways you can spark charisma in three different contexts: at work, at a social event and even in a high-stakes, one-on-one situations, like with a boss or client. Ready?

1. Work

Focus on a time in your life when you’ve felt sharp, focused, and productive. Why did you feel that way? What triggered it?

Once you know what “triggers” those feelings for you, practice that activity you identified and do it for 5-10 minutes before you go to work. This is the kind of charisma where you can focus on what people are saying to you, what their needs are, and actively listen to them. This keeps you present, and makes people feel like they’re the only person in the world at that moment. Continue reading

Women May Have Better Orgasms With Funny (Or Rich) Partners

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Why are some orgasms better than others, even when there’s no obvious reason for a difference in quality? A new study has proposed an explanation: A woman’s orgasm helps her determine how good a partner the other person will be.

In other words, the stronger the orgasm, the more eligible the bachelor. Continue reading

10 Relationship Truths Every Woman Needs To Know

Society and our specific environments set us up to believe particular stereotypes and assumptions that make being ourselves, and living our lives moment to moment, quite hard.

This can be especially true when it comes to relationships: all of us were brought up with a strong attachment to the idea of “romance” and/or “falling in love.” This is perhaps especially true for women, who bear the burden of many, many stereotypes and expectations, especially when it comes to heterosexual relationships.

But every person has their own truth, their own desires, needs and thoughts — and can nurture those things in their relationships. To do so, we need to all do some work. Here are 10 truths about relationships all women should know:

1. Nobody is going to “save” you.

Despite the message in Disney movies or our favorite romantic comedies, there is no guy out there that is going to save us. Others can help us and support us in our journey, but it is not their responsibility to “save” us from our problems nor is it anyone else’s responsibility to make us happy. We ourselves are the only ones responsible for our own well-being and happiness. Continue reading

What I’ve Learned About Love From A Decade Of Being A Couples Therapist

When I first started working with couples, I really had no idea what I was doing or how to help couples that were coming to see me. It was truly a baptism by fire because I had to come up with something to help each couple move out of pain and start to make positive changes in their relationship.

One thing I can say for sure is that since then, I’ve learned a lot about relationships from working with hundreds of couples. Here are 10 things I’ve learned about couples from 10 years of being a couples therapist:

1. No two couples are the same.

One of the wonderful things about my job is I have met so many different couples from all walks of life and I have come to the conclusion no two couples are the same. Every couple has a different story and it’s fascinating to hear what attracts people together. If you’re in a relationship, don’t ever forget your own story as it’s unique and can never be replicated. Continue reading

How To Truly Love Someone

All human beings share the same deepest longings: to know and be known, to hold and be held, to love and be loved, to experience connection without walls and expression without censors.

And yet, when real love is staring you in the eyes, when a loving partner stands before you, you may notice a disconcerting urge to withdraw, to put up walls, or even to run. Continue reading

Make Your Relationship Work By Doing This

Communication problems often lead to relationship issues, which is no great surprise. If you can’t communicate with your partner, how can you cultivate a sense of closeness and love?

Still, basic communication challenges often lead to broken relationships. It makes you wonder what everyone’s doing wrong. We’re going to cover five common communication omissions that threaten relationships.

1. Not asking unique, personal questions

“How was your day?”

There’s nothing implicitly wrong with the above question. But, if repeated frequently, it lacks sincerity and shows a lack of effort. Many couples go through the motions of social platitudes because they don’t know what else to say, but this kind of filler talk can be surprisingly devastating. Why? Continue reading

An Open Letter To Men From Sexy Consciously Awake Women

Before you read this, I invite you to read the first post in this series. Don’t skip it. If you don’t read it, I trust you’ll be highly triggered and write me off, call me a bitch, and go along your way. That’s not what I want. That’s not what we want.

What Does It Mean To Be “Consciously Awake”?

Everyone has issues. Men and women both. Humans are imperfect. As a result, we have to deal with and own our shit. We don’t get to throw it onto other people. That’s not what Consciously Awake means. Continue reading

Learn What She Consideres Sexy and Do it with Congruency

1. She “died” that night

The single hottest thing mine has ever said was the other night- we had both had a couple drinks, getting into bed, getting into heavy petting.

He stops and looks at me and just groaned. I said, – What? Did I hurt you? Are you okay? – He kinda looked at me and said, You have the hottest fucking body on the face of the planet and it’s all I can do not to take you right fucking now. -

I died.

2. She does

He’s used these more than once, but oh man;

– You like it when I fuck you from behind? -or

– You like riding that fucking dick? – 

Yes. Yes I do. Continue reading

The 7 Defining Rules to a Drama Free “Friends with Benefits” Relationship

Unfortunately, not every man that is qualified to sleep over deserves to graduate into relationship territory. But in the meantime, you shouldn’t feel prisoned to dry spells until Mr. Right comes knocking on your door. Right?

Before diving into any friends-with-benefits arrangement, prepare yourself to set boundaries and cold cut rules in order to keep the sex fling lighthearted and drama-free. Here’s how…

1. Stay Busy

Too much free time equals way too much think time. Stay as busy as possible. Get some extra work done after hours, involve yourself with an activity and take all procedures to keep your mind from wandering. We all know what can happen when the sex overpowers. It can handicap our thoughts into believing that our flings could elevate into something deeper. Spend less time thinking and more time doing.

2. Avoid Talking On The Phone

Long live those innocent, teenage high school days, when spending countless hours on the phone was a normal routine. Now there are real consequences that come with that kind of personal one on one time- the consequence being, “feelings.”

To remain as detached as possible, limit your sex partner to standard texts or even tweets. Keep any phone call brief and to the point. Don’t become too engulfed in his personal life and most importantly, don’t end up being his shoulder to cry on for any reason. Continue reading

19 Questions to Ask Yourself After a First Date

There’s more to a first date than just chemistry, assuming you’re looking for more than just Mr. or Ms. Right Now. Here’s what I believe are the most important questions to ask yourself. Note: (Do not copy this list and bring it with you on the date so you have something to check off.)

1. Did this person listen to me?

Did your date practice active listening or did she turn everything you said back onto her? Did she focus on you and make a conscious effort to not only hear the words that came out of your mouth, but (more importantly) the complete message being sent? …

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19 Questions To Ask Yourself After A First Date

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