Hints – The encrypted way of women to metaphorically ask for something

Last night, a friend asked me for some advice on how to understand men. Well, as we all know understanding men is not an easy task. As a representative of the male gender, I have to say, yes it is difficult to understand men but slightly easier than understanding women.
Hopefully, I didn’t push the buttons of those feminist women out there with that comment above. Anyways, as I’m trying to explain to Marisa the psych of men and how much more simple than women think it is, my thoughts started to come together :

After some more observations on human behavior, discussions, squeezing the stress ball by my desk, making fist-size paper balls and shooting a few into a trash can nearby, I decided to begin a perhaps controversial series of articles that I’ll call; Women on the Second Floor

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WARNING:

The following might or might not represent the author’s opinion on whatever he is writing. The purpose is to look at life from different point of views, NOT to insult anyone. So, DON’T take it personally. There might be some strong content but I’ll try “PG thirteening-it” as much as possible. For example, instead of the penis I’ll replace it by a little banana word.
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Of course, there will be always someone who is gonna come up to me and say; “why did you write that warning about not taking it personally? Are you taking about me?” Exactly my point. All right, let get started, go crazy, stupid or whatever the Black Eye Peas say.

UNDERSTANDING MEN 101
Why men don’t get hints

Don’t waste your energy hinting a guy into throwing the garbage out by saying “This kitchen is a mess”. Or by saying, while at the video rental store, “Do you really want to go to watch that movie?” when clearly you would rather pick a chick flick. The dictionary defines encrypt as; To put into code or cipher. To alter using a secret code so as to be unintelligible to unauthorized parties. Yes, women use a secret code that not even Dan Brown (author of the DaVinci Code) can figure it out. And who is part of the unauthorized party? men are. We don’t take hints because we men, are not subtle at all. We tell it like it is.

– “Hey, what do you think about this for her birthday gift, Bro?” a man ask his buddy.

– “That is crap, you cheap bastard! Why are you giving her pots and kitchenware for her birthday? That’s not for her; that’s for the kitchen. Why is she sleeping with you, again?”

While women are proud of their female intuition, developed through thousands and thousands of years trying to communicate with their newborns in caves, we lack this so called intuition. Instead we have mojo. Yeah, baby, yeah!! (Ok, I just got side tracked here. Back to the topic. Back to the topic and forget Austin Powers movies).

Resuming my very serious and interesting discussion – Women can read other people’s auras, and sense with touch how another female or young creature might be feeling. They have a soothing and complex way of communicating with each other. They connect on three thousand different levels with another woman. And the deeper, the better. That is why they love to do all that crazy stuff like mantra, palm reading, aerobics, yoga, group therapies, go shopping and buy shoes, dance closely with each other and/or get drunk and make out. We see all those activities as lesbian-bordering activities and fantasize about it. We don’t understand why women love to bond in such ways. Male bonding consists of watching a ball game, grabbing a beer, belching, farting and, very important, seating on your own chair. We don’t share couches, not even 12 feet long couches. It is just gay.

On the other hand we men, until recently, have been going out and hunting the next meal for the family for thousands and thousands of years. We went hunting with other Neanderthals fellas.

We see, we point to a prey, we hunt, we eat, we fart.

That is as far as communication went amongst pre-historic men. And to be honest, I don’t think it has changed that much.

So my dear friend, to summarize, we men are primitive beings that haven’t evolved that much communication-wise. We are still on the first floor of evolution while women are on the second floor. It is another level of communication.

image credits pixabay