The moment you decide to move in together feels exciting, romantic…and slightly overwhelming. While Dan previously had his flat, we bought our first home together last month. We’re now merging finances and 50/50 splits on furniture. Moving in together is a relationship shift that can lead to conflict over boundaries and values.

As a coach, I’ll share techniques to create a home that represents both of you without turning every decision into a compromise. Here’s how to navigate the practical and emotional side of moving in together.

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1. Start With a Shared Vision

We fell in love with the space and possibility of our home. But we found ourselves living amongst old floral curtains, dusty lamp shades and worn-out carpets. We both had separate ideas on what to update first.

To keep you on the same page, take a moment to reflect on your vision. Look for similarities in how you want each room to feel: cosy, minimalist, social, playful? Once you’re both clear on the feel and function of your home, it’s easier to decorate based on your shared goals.

2. Choose your non-negotiables

Choose three non-negotiables that help you both feel at home. Maybe that’s a calm, neutral room you can use for work or good-quality blinds to hide from your neighbours (just me?). Imagine you had to make an empty room feel like your space. What would you add first?

The little touches can make the biggest difference. We’ve decorated the house with candles and lovely scents including this Blissful Harmony Home Reed Diffuser which mixes bergamot with green tea, jasmine and a dash of vanilla.

3. Moving in together: Set Healthy Boundaries

When did you last discuss boundaries with your partner? Most of us don’t, but it’s a key reason for relationship conflict. Boundaries help you challenge invisible expectations.

Rather than making assumptions, you can set clear guidelines around how you’ll live together. For example:

• How often do you want guests around?
• Do you need alone time to unwind after work?
• How will you decide on household tasks? What does a deep clean involve?

Think of boundaries as a way of better understanding each other rather than a rule.

4. Create emotional safety

A home is your sanctuary. It’s where your nervous system rests. Living with someone else can bring emotional triggers to the surface. Whether that’s different cleaning standards, passive comments like ‘Why did you put that there?’ or different expectations for showing daily affection.

Here’s a coaching perspective:

The goal isn’t to eliminate triggers, it’s to understand them.

If something small annoys you, ask:

• ‘What does this represent for me?’
• ‘Is this about the object or about feeling unheard/not considered?’

Give yourself a moment to reflect before deciding how to communicate.

5. Moving in together: Indulge where it counts

While being on a budget can feel stressful, it also forces you to think carefully about what truly matters. For us, a good work desk and a comfy chair were non-negotiable. We also wanted a nice sofa and the right mattress to sleep on.

Because of my spinal fusion from scoliosis, comfort wasn’t something I was willing to compromise on. We’re both enjoying our new Simba Hybrid Mattress, and I can’t wait until our new sofa arrives. On the flip side, we were happy to save on the smaller things: new lamp shades, curtains, bins, while also keeping older pieces of furniture until we can upgrade.

6. Create Rituals That Build Connection

Shared space isn’t always ideal for creating romance. To keep the bond going, create rituals that add intimacy to your daily routines.

Maybe that’s a slow Sunday morning, cooking breakfast together. Or putting your phones on silent for at least an hour in the evening. Dan and I have started eating in our dining room together, which makes a nice change from watching TV.

7. Plan at-home date nights

Last weekend, we had our first date night at home. We cooked steak and drank white wine before eating chocolate for dessert. The best bit was trying our Mannkitchen Pepper Cannon. This is a pepper cannon that seasons your food to perfect. Instead of trying to shake pepper where large quantities hit one small spot, the cannon is able to spread the paper evenly without endless shaking.

If you’re wondering what makes a date night rather than an ordinary night together, a home date night is thoughtful. You intentionally set time aside to spend with one another. Rather than just being on your phones, you can plan an activity such as cooking together, a relaxing massage or a new game. It’s about enjoying your new home and letting go of the tension you’re likely to have when you first move in.

8. Remember: Your Home Is an Extension of Your Relationship

A home isn’t created overnight. It evolves as you do. Moving in together is not just a logistical step. It’s a relationship milestone where communication, self-awareness and boundaries deepen. When you’re intentional about how you build your shared space, it becomes much more than a home.

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