How to Navigate the Holidays With In-Laws

I know it’s only September, but the holidays will be here before we know it!

Here’s the truth: the holidays will come and go, but your marriage is forever! The way you and your spouse handle in-law stress this season can either bring you closer together or drive a wedge between you. The good news? You absolutely can keep your relationship strong and maintain peace with family if you’re intentional. Let’s talk about how!

Table of Contents

1. How to Navigate the Holidays With In-Laws
2. Why Holidays With In-Laws Can Feel So Stressful
3. 1. Present a United Front With Your Spouse
4. 2. Make Holiday Plans Together Before the Invitations Roll In
5. 3. Set Boundaries With In-Laws in a Kind but Firm Way
6. 4. Respond to Criticism or Unsolicited Advice Gracefully
7. 5. Prioritize Couple Check-Ins No Matter How Busy the Holidays Are
8. Remember: It’s Temporary
9. The Holiday Huddle Challenge
10. Textable Holiday Huddle
11. One Last Reminder for the Holidays

Why Holidays With In-Laws Can Feel So Stressful

The holidays are supposed to be filled with joy, love, and connection. And yes, they can be magical—sparkling lights, cozy traditions, and moments that bring you closer as a family. But if we’re being real? They can also be some of the most stressful weeks of the year. Between travel, schedules, gift-giving, and endless to-do lists, it’s easy to feel stretched thin. Add in-laws into the mix—different expectations, old family dynamics, or opinions flying left and right—and suddenly, the season of “peace and goodwill” can feel more like walking on eggshells.

Here’s the thing: you’re not alone if you’ve ever felt overwhelmed or drained by holiday family gatherings. Nearly every couple experiences stress during this season, even in the happiest of marriages. The pressure to make everyone happy while also trying to protect your own relationship is a lot.

But here’s the good news: holiday stress doesn’t have to ruin your marriage or your holiday season. With a little preparation, teamwork, and a united mindset, you and your spouse can navigate family dynamics, protect your peace, and actually enjoy the holidays together.

1. Present a United Front With Your Spouse

One of the quickest ways to create tension is letting in-laws see you disagree in the moment. If you’re not on the same page, it can feel like your family members have an open invitation to step in or push boundaries. That’s why it’s so important to talk things through with your spouse before the family gatherings begin.

Ask each other questions like:

• “How long do we want to stay?”
• “What’s our plan if politics or religion come up at dinner?”
• “What do we do if someone criticizes our parenting?”

Once you’ve decided together, stick with it. If in-laws question your choices, a simple phrase like “Thanks for your input—we’ve decided to do it this way” goes a long way. The key is showing them you and your spouse are a team.

2. Make Holiday Plans Together Before the Invitations Roll In

So much stress comes from trying to please everyone. Instead of letting extended family dictate your schedule, sit down as a couple and decide what works best for you. Maybe you rotate holidays every year, split the day between both families, or start your own traditions at home.

The important part is that the decision is yours—not your in-laws’. A united decision helps both of you feel supported, instead of pulled in different directions. And don’t forget to add at least one “just us” tradition, whether it’s new pajamas on Christmas Eve, sneaking out for a late-night hot cocoa run, or a Thanksgiving morning walk. Those little rituals anchor your marriage no matter where you spend the day.

3. Set Boundaries With In-Laws in a Kind but Firm Way

Boundaries are not mean—they’re healthy. They protect your marriage from burnout and resentment. It might sound like:

• “We’d love to stay for dinner, but we’ll need to head out by 8.”
• “We can host, but this year we can only do three days instead of a full week.”

When you communicate calmly and kindly, you’re modeling respect while also keeping your marriage a priority. Remember: boundaries are about what you’re able to do, not about controlling others.

4. Respond to Criticism or Unsolicited Advice Gracefully

It happens to the best of us—an in-law questions your parenting, criticizes your cooking, or offers unsolicited advice about your marriage. Ouch. The key is to decide ahead of time how you’ll respond.

Sometimes a simple “Thanks, we’ll keep that in mind” is all you need. Other times, it may be best to smile and change the subject. The less defensive you are, the quicker the moment passes. Talk through these scenarios with your spouse beforehand so you both feel confident and supported when the comments inevitably come.

5. Prioritize Couple Check-Ins No Matter How Busy the Holidays Are

Don’t forget to nurture your connection in the middle of all the holiday chaos. Steal a hug in the kitchen, send a flirty text across the dinner table, or laugh together over an inside joke when Uncle Bob tells his story for the tenth year in a row. Later that night, decompress with a cozy cocoa date after everyone leaves.

These little check-ins remind you that you’re in this together. They transform the holidays from “just surviving” to “thriving as a team.”

Remember: It’s Temporary

When all else fails, remember this—holiday gatherings are temporary. The awkward dinner table moments, the unsolicited advice, the too-long visits… they’ll be over before you know it. Don’t let one tense conversation steal your joy or cause unnecessary strain on your marriage.

At the end of the day, it’s not about pleasing everyone else—it’s about protecting the bond between you and your spouse. Choose your battles wisely, let the little stuff slide, and focus on the bigger picture: you’re building a life and a marriage that lasts long after the holidays are over.

The Holiday Huddle Challenge

Want to take this to the next level? This holiday season, try the Holiday Huddle Challenge with your spouse. Think of it as your game plan for staying connected and united—no matter what family drama or awkward moments come your way.

Here’s how it works:

1. Pick a Signal. Before heading into family gatherings, choose a secret signal with your spouse. It could be a hand squeeze, a wink, or even a silly word like “snowman.” It’s your private way of saying, “I’m with you. We’ve got this.”
2. Back Each Other Up. Anytime one of you feels overwhelmed, uncomfortable, or just plain over it, the other steps in with support. That might mean changing the subject, reinforcing a boundary, or simply staying close by.
3. Check In Afterward. Once you’re home, take a few minutes to debrief. What moments felt the best? When did you feel the most supported? What could you do even better next time?

The beauty of the Holiday Huddle is that it’s not just for the holidays. You can keep using it all year long: at family events, work parties, or any stressful situation where you want to feel like a team. You can even change up the name for the other nine months of the year… Perhaps, Marriage Huddle?

💡 Bonus tip: make your signal fun and flirty! The sillier or sweeter it is, the easier it will be to diffuse stress and remind each other that you’re in this together.

Textable Holiday Huddle

Want to make your Holiday Huddle even more fun? Try sending these flirty texts before, during, and after family gatherings. They’ll keep you connected all season long!

Before the gathering (pump-up message):

• “Holiday Huddle activated! Remember, it’s me + you against the chaos. ❤️”
• “We’re a team today. Hand squeeze = I’ve got you.”
• “Let’s make our signal word snowman. You ready, teammate?”

During the gathering (signal reminders):

• “Snowman. 😉 I’m right here with you.”
• “You and me, side by side. We’ve got this.”
• 🎄❤️🤝 (tree + heart + handshake = our code).

After the gathering (debrief love note):

• “Holiday Huddle complete ✅ You made me feel so loved tonight.”
• “You were my safe place today. I love being on your team. 💕”
• “We survived the holidays like pros. Want a cocoa debrief date? ☕✨”

One Last Reminder for the Holidays

This holiday season, make a vow to put your marriage first. When you and your spouse stand united, even the trickiest in-law situations lose their power to divide you. Remember, the holidays are about love, gratitude, and connection—and your marriage deserves to be at the center of it all.

💌 Want more ways to stay close during the holiday madness? Check out our Holiday Date Night Ideas for inspiration.