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Think you need a wingman to meet women?

Well, think again.

I’ve been a dating coach for over 15 years, and believe me when I say going out alone is one of the biggest advantages you can have if you know how to work the room.

In this video, I’ll tell you exactly why going out solo is often way better than bringing a buddy, what to say if she asks you, “Wait a second, are you here alone?”, how to turn a complete stranger into an instant wingman, how to handle groups of girls like a pro to even screening for a threesome, and make sure to watch until the very end because I’m going to share a crazy little secret that’s landed me free VIP table and bottle service even when I showed up to the club for the first time completely solo. So why is going out to a bar or club alone actually a massive advantage?

Here are 4 reasons that most guys never even consider.

1) Most wingmen just hold you back.

I mean, let’s be real. Most guys are just terrible with women.

Instead of helping, they either kill the vibe, say the wrong thing and turn off the girls, or get sloppy drunk and become your problem.

You end up babysitting instead of flirting.

Or worse, the guy’s actually decent with women, and then he starts competing with you for the same girl.

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2) If you’re out alone, you just seem way less threatening.

Imagine a group of three guys going over to approach three girls. That’s going to feel overpowering to them.

They’re going to be like, “Wo, too many guys, too much masculine presence.”

It just feels threatening and even a little unsafe for them.

Versus, you’re by yourself and you go approach three girls.

Not only is that not threatening anymore, but it’s also really confident.

She knows that three guys, you know, they’re out with their buddies. It’s just not that big of a deal to go approach girls versus a guy who’s by himself approaching girls.

I remember the first time I went out by myself.

I hit up this bar called Malarkey in Newport Beach on a Wednesday night.

I walked in, I saw that everybody there was with somebody. I was the only guy solo.

So, I walked up to the bar, ordered a drink, and this girl left her group to come order a drink, and she’s next to me.

I started chatting her up.

She asked me, by the way, why I was there alone, and I gave a good answer, which I’ll give you in just a second.

But because I was there by myself and that’s not threatening, she invited me to join her entire group of six or seven other girls.

I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t have happened if I was there with a couple of buddies.

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3) No Wingman Drama

You don’t have to worry about her friend liking your friend or him messing up the energy or trying to split up the group awkwardly deciding like who’s going to go with who.

You’re just in complete control of your own results.

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4) You can always find an instant wingman.

You’d be surprised at how easy it is to team up with another cool guy at the venue.

Here’s the move.

Scan the room for another guy who seems cool who’s also there solo.

If you can’t find any, then find either a small group, like two guys, or a guy who’s clearly not having luck with his group.

Then strike up a quick convo.

Or, hey man, do you see those girls over there?

You know, dude stuff.

If he’s chill, team up.

And the beauty is you can actually pick somebody that your target’s friend already finds attractive.

Here’s how.

I was out in Hollywood one night.

I was there solo and I approached these two girls and I started really vibing with one and she said you got to find somebody for my friend.

So I asked the friend, “What kind of guys do you like?”

And she pointed at somebody and said, “I like guys like that guy.”

So I just went up to that guy and I was like, “Hey man, I approached these two girls and one of them thinks you’re really cute. You want to come talk to her?”

Of course, he said yes.

And then the two of them started really vibing.

And within a few minutes, we left the club.

And I remember another time that I did this same kind of scenario, I became best friends with that guy for like a few years.

We were going out together all the time and he was a great wingman.

So, you never know, you might find a great wingman or a lifelong friend.

By the way, if you want to get your dating life handled and start having the skills and confidence to approach women solo like I do, then click the link down in the description to book a free consultation with me and my team.

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Now, when you’re out solo, how do you come off as a cool, confident guy, not some weird loner lurking in the corner?

Well, I’ve got three easy shifts that change everything.

1) Own the place like it’s your kingdom.

Before you even walk in, you got to have the mindset, “This is my place. I belong here. I’m here to enjoy the night. I don’t have to prove anything.”

Make sure you’re dressing sharp.

Smile. Nod at people. Cheers. Make strong eye contact.

This kind of energy is absolutely magnetic.

2) Talk to everybody

Don’t just hit on girls.

Talk to guys, talk to couples, the bartender, anybody.

You can give genuine compliments or you can ask simple questions like, “How’s your night going?”, “What are you celebrating?”, or “What kind of trouble are you guys getting into?”

Quick 30-second interactions, they build momentum and they warm up your energy for the right moment to approach that girl you’ve had your eye on.

And when you’ve been warming up with everybody, approaching that girl you’ve had your eye on is no big deal anymore.

It’s just one of many interactions for the night.

And imagine if it actually was your club, you probably want to make sure that everybody was having a good time, right?

And that’s why everybody’s there, to have a good time.

So when you have that mindset and energy, everybody wants to be around you.

3) Match the vibe of the venue

If you’re at a chill lounge, don’t be that guy bouncing around trying to create a party.

Just kick back like James Bond. Enjoy the music and sip on your drink.

When you’re comfortable in your own skin, that’s when people are drawn to you.

That’s real confidence.

And then when you’re just enjoying yourself and then you see a beautiful woman you want to go talk to, you just do that.

You go talk to her. It’s no big deal.

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So, what do you do when you’re out by yourself, you’re talking to a girl, but she’s with her friends?

Here’s how to handle it like a pro.

Whether you’re into one specific girl or you think a few girls in the group are cute.

1) First, make sure to approach the entire group.

Even if you’re into one specific girl, approach the whole group at first.

It’s easy. Just say something playful like, “Who’s the ring leader here?” or “You all look like trouble. I just had to come over and say hi.”

When you approach the whole group like that, it shows social intelligence instead of them thinking, “Why is this guy trying to steal our friend already?“

Now, obviously, if it’s a super loud mega club, this rule can be flexible.

It’s a little bit too hard to address the entire group.

You can barely talk at all in places like that.

So, here’s a pro tip. Scout out quieter spots within the venue.

Maybe near the bar or the outside patio or the lounge area and approach there where you can actually have a conversation.

Now, what if you approach the group, but you don’t know which girl you like right away?

You could just say something like, “I bet most of you are taken, huh?”

And they’ll usually tell you which girls are taken and which are single.

Or if you want to find out who would be most likely to go home with you, you could ask, “Okay, I’m curious. Who’s the wildest one in the group?”

This not only helps you break the ice, but it helps you see who’s most receptive, flirty, and open.

Now, if you’re only interested in one girl in the group, the one that caught your eye, then focus your attention, your teasing, and your flirting with her, but still keep the others in the group involved.

Don’t just try to take her away immediately.

That’s not going to work usually.

Instead, when the moment’s right, isolate her naturally.

When you see that she loves a song, you could just say, “Hey, let’s go dance.”

If she just finished her drink, just say, “Let’s go grab a drink.”

And here’s a pro tip.

Tell the friends where you’re taking her so that they’re not worried.

Say something like, “Hey, we’re going to go grab a drink. We’ll be right over there.”

So then the friends know exactly where you’re taking her and they don’t have to worry.

If you’re talking to two girls at a bar and you’re picking up a flirty vibe, here’s a great way to screen for a threesome.

Ask each of them, “I’m curious, what’s your favorite thing about your friend?”

If she says something physical, like her ass, her boobs, or her lips, then there’s a solid chance they’re open for it.

If she says a non-physical quality, like her personality, then it’s a little less likely.

But also keep in mind that girls don’t have to actually be attracted to each other in order to have a threesome.

That’s a myth.

Stay respectful, playful, and follow the vibe.

And even if they’re not down for a threesome, yes, you can definitely bring a whole group of girls back to your place and still have fun with the one you want without getting blocked.

I’ve done it many times.

When it’s two girls, the girl that I’m not into will just call her boyfriend or, you know, make a phone call or just play on her phone while I’m connecting with her friend.

If it’s more than two girls, if it’s like three or four girls, it’s even better because then all the girls can hang out with each other while I connect with the one that I like.

It’s no big deal.

The key takeaway is to lead the interaction, lead the energy, make it feel like an adventure for them, and women will just follow your lead.

Now, here’s the crazy VIP bottle service hack that I promised you.

There’s two ways to do this.

One is you find the promoter and you just ask him, “Hey, can you hook me up with a table if I have a big group of beautiful girls?”

If he says yes, then all you got to do is say, “Okay, hold on one second. My friends just arrived.”

And go approach a big group of girls and tell them, “Hey, would you girls like to join me at my table?”

Of course, they’re going to say yes.

And you might be thinking, why would a promoter just give out a free table?

Because he needs girls at the venue.

That’s all most clubs really care about.

2) The second way to do this is you see a group of guys that already have a VIP table and when one of them goes to the bathroom, you just introduce yourself to them.

“Hey, what’s up, man? I saw you over there partying. What are you guys celebrating?”

And then just ask them.

Say, “Hey man, I noticed you don’t have any girls at your table. I know a bunch of girls here. You want me to invite like like seven or eight girls to your table?”

Most guys, of course, they’re going to be like, “Hell yeah.”

Then just go up to a group of girls and say, “Hey, my friends have a table over there and they need help drinking their alcohol. Would you like to join us?”

Again, the girls are going to say yes cuz free alcohol plus status and they don’t have to stand anymore in their heels.

So then all you got to do is walk them to the table.

It’s super easy and effective.

You just have to have confidence.

Confidence plus high status equals access.

Now if a girl asks you, “Are you here alone?” or “Why are you here alone?”

Don’t make up some excuse like, “Oh, my friends bailed on me.”

Or, “Oh, they’re going to show up later,” or something like that.

Just own it.

Say, “Yeah, I wanted to come out by myself.”

And then just change the subject.

Talk about something else.

Show that it’s no big deal. And it will be no big deal for the girl either.

In fact, she’ll probably see you as more confident.

I remember I’ve told many girls this, and they usually respond with something like, “Wow, I can never do that.”

Implying that, I’m very bold for doing so.

And if you want me and my team to help you do this, then click the link down below because it’s easier than you think, man, if you have the right guidance.

And I can help you with that just like I’ve done for thousands of guys in the same situation as you.

It starts subtly.

You meet someone, and the conversation just flows. Hours pass without noticing. You’re not trying to impress each other, it just feels… easy.

Then suddenly, it’s deeper than expected.
You’re sharing personal stories. Talking every day. Feeling emotionally close in a way that usually takes months.

And at some point, you pause and wonder: “Why does this feel so intense, so fast?”

If you’ve experienced this, you’re not imagining it. And more importantly, there are real reasons behind it.

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It’s Not Just Fast. It’s Emotionally Deep

What stands out in many lesbian relationships isn’t just speed, it’s depth.

Instead of staying in small talk, conversations often move quickly into meaningful territory: personal experiences, emotional struggles, values, and life perspectives.

That early sense of being truly seen and understood can create a strong emotional bond.

From a psychological perspective, this reflects how emotional intimacy naturally develops. Social Penetration Theory suggests that closeness grows as people gradually share more personal and vulnerable parts of themselves over time.

When both people are open and willing to engage in this kind of deeper communication early on, it can make the connection feel intense and emotionally rich very quickly.

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When Someone “Gets You” Without Explaining

There’s also something powerful about shared experience.

For many women in the LGBTQ+ community, there are overlapping life moments: navigating identity, coming out, and dealing with expectations or judgment.

So when you meet someone who just understands, without needing long explanations, it can feel like a barrier disappears instantly.

From a social psychology perspective, this connects to Social Identity Theory, which suggests that people tend to feel more comfortable and connected with others who share a similar identity or background.

That sense of similarity can create an immediate feeling of familiarity and ease.

And when emotional understanding comes this naturally, the connection can feel intense very quickly.

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The Way You Communicate Changes Everything

Another reason things feel fast is simple: less guessing.

Instead of mixed signals or unclear intentions, many lesbian relationships involve:

• More direct conversations
• Clear emotional expression
• Honest discussions about feelings

When you don’t have to decode someone’s behavior, the relationship naturally moves forward more smoothly.

And when clarity replaces uncertainty, emotional connection tends to grow faster.

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You Open Up… and So Do They

At some point, you realize something important:

You’re not the only one opening up. They are too.

This creates a natural rhythm in the connection. When one person shares something personal, the other often responds in kind. Trust begins to build on both sides at the same time, and the emotional investment starts to feel mutual.

Psychologically, this kind of back-and-forth openness is linked to how trust develops between people. At the same time, Attachment Theory helps explain why this feels so powerful. When someone experiences a sense of emotional safety, they are more likely to open up, respond warmly, and stay engaged in the connection.

When both people feel safe enough to be vulnerable at the same time, the bond can deepen in a way that feels surprisingly fast and intense.

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Why It Can Feel Almost Overwhelming

What makes it feel overwhelming isn’t just how strong the feelings are. It’s how quickly everything seems to stack together.

In most relationships, connection builds step by step. You feel attracted, then slowly get comfortable, then trust develops, and only after that does deeper emotional closeness start to form.

But here, those stages don’t always happen separately. You might find yourself feeling:

• Attracted to them
• Comfortable being yourself
• Emotionally understood
• Constantly connected

… all within a very short time.

And that creates a kind of emotional acceleration your mind isn’t used to.

Instead of adjusting gradually, you’re suddenly experiencing multiple layers of connection at once. Your brain is trying to process attraction, trust, and emotional closeness all at the same time.

From a psychological perspective, this aligns with patterns described in Attachment Theory, where emotional safety and closeness can reinforce each other rapidly.

That’s what creates the intensity.

You’re not just getting to know someone. You’re already feeling close to them.

And when emotional investment happens before you’ve had time to fully understand the relationship, it can feel exciting, powerful… and at times, a little overwhelming.

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But Here’s the Part People Don’t Talk About Enough

Intensity can feel like certainty, but they’re not the same thing. When something feels strong this early, it’s easy to assume it must be real, stable, or meant to last. But sometimes, that intensity is coming from things that happen beneath the surface:

• Seeing the best in each other too quickly
• Filling in the unknown with what you hope is true
• Feeling relieved to finally be understood

None of this is wrong. It’s actually very human. However, real compatibility isn’t built in emotional moments alone. It shows up over time, in situations that are less exciting but more revealing.

You see it in:

• How someone acts on an ordinary day
• How they respond when things don’t go smoothly
• Whether their behavior stays consistent, not just their words

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So… Is It a Good Thing or Something to Be Careful About?

The honest answer is: it can be either.

A fast, intense connection can absolutely be the beginning of something meaningful.
But it can also just be a powerful emotional moment that feels bigger than it actually is.

The key difference isn’t how strong it feels at the start. It’s what happens after that initial intensity.

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What You Should Actually Pay Attention To

Instead of focusing only on the feeling: “Why does this feel so intense?”

Try asking something more grounding: “Does this actually hold up over time?”

Pay attention to patterns:

• Do their actions consistently match what they say?
• Does the connection still feel stable outside of emotional highs?
• Can both of you handle small disagreements without pulling away?

While intensity can create a spark very quickly, what actually builds a relationship is consistency.

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Final Thoughts

Posted by Sandy Weiner in communication skills in dating, sex after 40 | 0 comments

How do you reignite desire and emotional connection in midlife and beyond? Tune in to Last First Date Radio to hear Andre Lazarus!

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How do you reignite desire and emotional connection in midlife dating and relationships? Andre Lazarus has the answers! He is a Somatic Intimacy Guide and relationship expert featured on the UK TV series Virgin Island. He helps individuals and couples reconnect with desire, build emotional safety, and communicate openly about intimacy. Through embodied practices rooted in the Somatica® Method, Andre supports people in midlife and beyond to create passionate, secure, and deeply fulfilling relationships.

In this episode:

• What is embodied intimacy
• How couples in long-term relationships rediscover desire when the spark fades
• How to create safety and connection in intimacy

EP 708: Andre Lazarus – How to Reignite Desire and Emotional Connection in Midlife Dating and Relationships

Highlights of this Episode

André’s Background

• André Lazarus: intimacy coach, ex-military, moved from security/tech into embodied intimacy work.
• Based in Barcelona; has experience with therapeutic intimate practices and tantra-influenced approaches.
• Offers online courses and a free resource for embodied loving via his website.

Embodied Intimacy & Coaching Approach

• Embodied/somatic intimacy = focusing on bodily sensations over cognitive/goal-oriented sex.
• Coaching emphasizes presence, practicing communication, boundary/consent skills, and gradual somatic work.
• Reframes sex beyond penetration/orgasm; values slow, varied, non-goal-oriented sexual experiences.

Midlife Relationships & Alternatives

• Midlife often brings increased self-awareness, willingness to change, and reassessment of relationships.
• Alternatives (non-monogamy, relationship agreements) can be viable options when sexual needs differ.
• Communication, curiosity, and incremental exploration are recommended before major decisions.

Trauma-informed Care & Starting Steps

• Sexual trauma requires trauma-informed, qualified support; combine talk therapy with embodied modalities.
• Practical starter step: list what’s working vs. missing in intimacy, then pick a first actionable step (research, discovery call, workshop).
• Trust intuition when choosing practitioners; request discovery calls and check references/testimonials.

Watch on YouTube

Connect With Andre

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Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

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