Have you watched a couple argue in public before? That uncomfortable moment when one partner talks down to the other as you awkwardly sip your drink.

This behaviour can be a sign of power imbalance in a relationship.

What is a power imbalance in a relationship?

Healthy relationships have balance. Both partners feel heard, respected, and valued. Decisions are shared and no opinion is more important than the other.

You may have more say over decorating, or your partner might organise finances, but you see your relationship as equal.

When one partner holds more control, the relationship becomes unbalanced. They may set most of the rules or have the final say on decisions. Over time, this can feel less like a partnership and more like a parent-child dynamic.

12 Signs of Power Imbalance

Is there an imbalance in your relationship? Power dynamics show up through dominance and submission.

Signs of Dominance

1. You make decisions without consulting your partner

2. Your partner often seeks your approval

3. You usually have the final say in arguments

4. You set rules that your partner is expected to follow

5. The standards you expect differ from the ones you follow

6. You feel irritated when your partner voices concerns

7. You believe you ‘wear the trousers’

8. Your sexual needs take priority

Signs of Submission

9. You constantly question your own judgment

10. You apologise a lot

11. Your partner intimidates you during conflicts

12. Your mood depends on how your partner feels

13. You seek permission from them, even for small personal choices

14. You often go along with what they decide

15. Their needs seem to come first

16. They argue, criticise, and/or humiliate you in public

If you recognise yourself or your partner’s behaviour in these signs, you can receive personalised support through email coaching.

Why Relationship Power Dynamics Happen

Power struggles aren’t always intentional. They can come from deeper patterns, such as:

• Learned behaviour: Some people grew up seeing a parent dominate the other.
• Fear of losing control: Dominant partners may cling to control because they fear betrayal or abandonment.
• Low self-esteem: Submissive partners may rely on someone else to ‘lead’ because they lack confidence in their own decisions.
• Avoiding conflict: Some people go along with things to keep the peace.

As mentioned, imbalanced relationships can lead to a parent-child dynamic. One partner (the dominant) can assume the role of parent by dictating to the other what they can and can’t do. Eventually, this can lead to exhaustion as they carry the responsibility.

The submissive, on the other hand, can feel trapped. The feeling of being stuck can then lead to frustration.

How to Restore Balance in Your Relationship

With an imbalance, behaviours can be unlearned. The key is that both partners must be willing to recognise their patterns and be open to change.

If you’re submissive:

It’s easy to assume the person who takes charge is at fault. After all, they’re the ones who dictate. But these power imbalances can occur because of low self-esteem.

People who suffer from low insecurity may not value their own opinion. They can look outside themselves for approval and rely on others for validation. Some people can gain comfort in dating a more dominant person because it allows them to remain as they are.

One way to restore balance is to avoid using your partner as a crutch. Focus on self-care and building confidence. When you disagree, rather than keep quiet, share how you feel.

Take the time to reflect on how you have changed since being in your relationship. Have you given up hobbies and interests, do you feel your friendships have taken a back seat? Have you changed your image to meet the expectations of your partner? Remember that while relationships will always involve some form of sacrifice, you should not lose parts of your identity and independence.

If you’re dominant:

If you’re more dominant, try to figure out why. What is it about your relationship that makes you feel you need to take control? Perhaps it comes from a need to protect, or an anxious fear that letting go will make your partner realise they don’t need you.

Acknowledge that your partner is your equal and deserves the same respect and power. Do not assume that setting rules will lead to less hurt. Telling your partner to not go out without you, for example, will not stop them from having an affair.

Start introducing open-ended questions like ‘What are your thoughts?’ and ‘How do you feel?’. Give your partner a chance to share their opinion, as well as form a new one.

Breaking Old Patterns

Power dynamics take time to change. Your partner may resist or not even realise there’s an imbalance. But paying attention to these patterns can help you communicate more openly, create mutual respect and build intimacy without control.

If you suspect a power imbalance, start small. Notice your patterns, have honest conversations, and focus on rebuilding trust.

And if you’d like personalised support, my 1:1 email coaching can help you work through your relationship challenges at your own pace.

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