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Maybe it’s not the apps.
Maybe it’s not your luck.
Maybe it’s your pattern.
If you keep choosing emotionally unavailable people, settling for breadcrumbs, chasing someone who isn’t showing up, or wondering why every relationship ends the same way…
Something needs to change.
And that doesn’t mean changing who you are.
I speak to so many people who think they have to settle for less and sit at home waiting for the right partner to arrive. Being active about your social life means understanding why you keep repeating the same cycle — and learning how to break it.
I’ve spent 17 years helping people understand relationships, build confidence and create healthier, happier love lives.
❤️ Stop settling.
❤️ Stop second-guessing.
❤️ Stop wasting time on people who aren’t right for you.
You can run your life differently.
If you’re ready to stop going round in circles and start attracting something that actually feels good then you are ready for change
Come and work with me.
Your next relationship doesn’t have to look like your last one.
Book your one to one private consultation below
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Look forward to speaking with you!
Warm Wishes
Jo Barnett
Dating Coach
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Hello Secret Keepers, welcome back to another episode of The Love Series In this episode, our host Sharon K. Mwangi is …
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Many of our clients consider themselves “nice guys” when they come to us. But “nice guy” is a total misnomer. Goodness, kindness, integrity: yes, women genuinely want all of these qualities, just as men do. But what women don’t want, what turns them off, are people-pleasing, pushovers, and weak guys. “Nice guys” are men who are overly concerned with how people see them, with the approval of others, and with receiving validation.
Think of a waiter, bending over backwards to get an order just right, the upwards inflection of his soft voice.
Think of the guy who volunteers for everything, who can’t set boundaries, who goes above and beyond to make those around him feel comfortable.
These are the “nice guys.”
They are merely acting nice in order to be liked, approved of, or for the favors to be reciprocated.
That’s not nice. That’s manipulative.
Yes, everyone wants to be nice and liked. But “nice guys” aren’t actually concerned with being nice. Instead, the reason they are being nice is because of their high need to be liked, approved of, and accepted.
They focus all their outward appearance on being accommodating.
This may be due to inner angst, shame, or their having been bullied or taken advantage of in the past.
Ultimately it comes down to lower self-worth that feeds on external validation (such as being liked, being accepted, not being seen as creepy or a jerk).
As a result of his “niceness,” the “nice guy” expects reciprocation. When a woman isn’t “nice” back, because she’s wary of the obvious manipulation, it can enrage these guys.
Sometimes the anger can come out quickly, and sometimes he suppresses, suppresses, and then finally explodes, quickly backpedaling into guilt and shame.
And then, starting the cycle all over again, he once again embodies timidity and accommodation.
Either way, a nice guy’s inability to stay grounded and demonstrate a sense of self worth that is unrattled by rejection, will immediately turn a woman off.
“Nice guys” tend to be indirect with women, because of their fear of offending them with their sexual feelings and honesty.
To be safe, they will compliment her purse or shoes, rather than express their true intentions.
If a guy compliments her clothes, she will take him at his word: Okay, he likes my style. And she’ll move right along. Or, she’ll think he’s just trying to please her, not actually conveying to her what he really thinks.
Directness is attractive because it’s honest. It’s not acted on out of fear.
Many nice guys are angry and don’t even realize it, because it’s become their default mode of reacting to the world.
For instance, a nice guy approaches a woman and she quickly tells him she has a boyfriend. Instead of saying with a genuine smile, “Okay, cool. I just wanted to let you know you’re beautiful,” he gets reactive. “Jeez!” he says, “Can’t you take a compliment?” Or, even if he doesn’t say it out loud, he feels the anger at her.
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I’m not saying you should be the opposite of a “nice guy.” That would be a man who never accommodates, who never takes others’ feelings into account. Never be that guy.
Women want a man with a backbone, who is able to set clear boundaries and who stands up for himself.
Remember, she isn’t only seeking a pair bonding species, but a tournament species, too.
She needs a man who can protect the cave, who isn’t afraid of other men, of her, or of her feelings.
Among our clients, the origin stories of “nice guys” often have a common thread: they were shamed by important women in their families, their sisters, moms, grandmothers, and so on, who equated testosterone with danger.
Often these women were previously hurt or done wrong by men.
They warned him over and over: “Don’t be like those jerks who don’t respect women!”
As a result, these men never learned how to be honest with women about their real feelings.
If this sounds like you then book a call with us(click the banner below) to overcome such damaging teaching.
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My 14-year-old daughter thinks she’s been secretly dating her classmate every Thursday.#shorts #redditstorytime #reddit …
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Every so often, a trend takes over my feed and I think, “Okay, this one is actually genius.”
This is one of those.
Couples all over TikTok and Instagram are sticking secret numbers on each other’s foreheads and asking the most ridiculous yes-or-no questions you’ve ever heard to figure out what it says. “Could I eat this many hot dogs in a hot dog eating contest?” “Is this a normal number of minutes for me to spend in the bathroom?” 😂
We’re calling it the Guess the Number Date, and it might be the easiest date night you’ll ever plan. All you need is a sticky note, a marker, and a spouse who’s willing to look a little silly.
But here’s the part I didn’t expect: the best rounds aren’t really about the number at all. They’re about hearing how your spouse answers questions about you. Could you actually eat 8 hot dogs? Is 25 minutes a “normal” bathroom trip for you? Your spouse has opinions. And now you get to hear them.
Watch our social media director, Kate, and her husband, Ryan, play it below- then keep reading for the full rules, 85+ funny questions, a free printable, and tips for coming up with your own questions.
I won’t spoil who won the game and figured it out first. Go watch the video. 😉
The Guess the Number game is a viral couples game where you each secretly write a number from 1 to 100 on a sticky note and stick it to your spouse’s forehead. Then you take turns asking silly yes-or-no questions to figure out the number on your own head– like “Could I do this many push-ups?” or “If I got this number as a test grade, would I be happy?” The first person to guess their number wins.
You’ll see it called a bunch of different things online: the number on your forehead game, the number on your head challenge, the guess the number challenge, think of a number, or just the numbers game. It’s all the same game, and it’s taken off because it’s free, it’s fast, and it is SO fun and easy to play.
The twist that makes it hilarious? No boring questions allowed. You can’t just ask “Is it higher than 50?” You have to get creative, and that’s where the fun (and a few playful arguments) comes in.
You’ve got all of this in a junk drawer somewhere:
Total cost: $0. Total prep: about 2 minutes. This is the perfect date for a weeknight when you’re both tired but still want to laugh together.
Here’s the setup: Ryan’s number was 51 and Kate’s number was 16.
And what I love about their video is how them the questions are. Kate asked whether it would be reasonable for her to own that many bags and purses. (A very important question!) Ryan asked whether he could eat that many chicken nuggets in one sitting.
But my favorite was when Ryan went straight for his own quirk: “You know my OCD with the TV volume? Would this number drive me crazy?” If you’ve ever been married to someone who has feelings about whether the volume is on 50 or 51, you know. 😂 That’s exactly the kind of question that makes this game so fun: nobody else on earth could ask it, and only your spouse can answer it.
They asked a lot of great questions, but here are a few of our favorites from their round so you can steal them:
Notice how the same number takes on a totally different personality depending on the question? 16 purses might be totally reasonable (I said what I said), but 16 miles per hour on the highway would get you honked at. 51 nuggets? Ambitious. 51 as a test score? Suddenly that number isn’t looking so high. That’s the secret to good questions, and it’s why this game gets so funny so fast.
📌 Save this one to Pinterest so you have the questions handy on your next date night!
The couples who have the most fun with this game aren’t the ones asking the smartest questions. They’re the ones asking questions that are a little funny and show a little bit about their spouse and their relationship. So we skipped the boring ones and went straight for the good stuff.
Every question below is asked about yourself or your marriage.
Want to skip the scrolling? Grab our free printable with the questions and the rules all in one place. Print it, leave it on the coffee table, and you’re ready for game night.
Free Printable
All the rules and our favorite funny questions, ready to print for your next date night.
Here’s the full list:
Warning: these tend to end with someone on the floor trying to prove a point.
These are the ones that end up being the most revealing. And the most fun to argue about.
These have a built-in scale, so they narrow things down fast without breaking the no-math rule. Use one or two early, then get ridiculous.
Our list will get you started, but the questions that get the biggest laughs are always the ones only you could ask. Here’s how to come up with your own on the spot:
On paper, it’s just a silly guessing game. But there’s a reason couples can’t stop playing it.
Loved another viral trend from Kate and Ryan? The Camera Roll Date Night uses two bowls and your phone’s photo library to take you both down memory lane.
Want more how-well-do-you-know-me fun? Spouse Scattergories is a hilarious game with four free printable versions.
In the mood for more guessing games? Couple’s Pictionary turns your favorite relationship memories into (terrible) drawings your spouse has to guess.
Love the forehead part? Heads Up: Spouse Edition swaps the number for a word card all about love and marriage, with free printable cards and a DIY headband.
Already have your phones out? The YouTube Scavenger Hunt Date sends you both racing through a list of ridiculous challenges.
Working your way through the alphabet? File this one under G for Guess the Number in our Alphabet Dating list of 350+ A-to-Z date ideas.
So tonight, grab a pack of sticky notes and a marker, and find out exactly how many chicken nuggets your spouse thinks you can eat. You might be surprised by the answer. ❤
Play it tonight, then come back and tell us in the comments: what was the funniest question you asked, and how many guesses did it take?
Tap any question to see the answer.
The guess the number game is a viral couples game where each person secretly writes a number from 1 to 100 on a sticky note and sticks it to their partner’s forehead. You take turns asking creative yes-or-no questions about yourself, like “Could I eat this many chicken nuggets?”, and your partner answers based on the number they can see. The first person to correctly guess their own number wins.
It doesn’t have one official name. On TikTok and Instagram you’ll see it called the guess the number challenge, the number on your forehead game, the number on your head challenge, think of a number, or simply the numbers game. They all describe the same game: a secret number on your forehead and silly yes-or-no questions to figure it out.
Most couples use 1 to 100. It’s wide enough to make the game challenging but small enough that you’ll usually figure it out in 10 to 20 questions. For a quicker game or for playing with kids, try 1 to 50.
Technically you can, but most couples ban it. The viral version of the game has one big rule: no basic or math questions like “Is it even?” or “Is it higher than 50?” Instead, you have to narrow it down with creative questions about yourself, which is what makes the game so funny.
The best questions are personal and a little funny. Try “Could I eat this many chicken nuggets in one sitting?”, “Is this a normal number of minutes for me to spend in the bathroom?”, “Would I be happy with this percentage on a test?”, “If I were single, would I date someone this age?”, or “Is this how many dollars I’d spend on a quick trip to Target?” Questions tied to your own quirks get the biggest laughs.
Your spouse does. You ask a question about yourself, and your spouse looks at the number on your forehead and answers yes or no based on what they know about you. That’s what makes it a great couples game. You’re really hearing how your spouse sees you.
A single round usually takes 5 to 15 minutes, depending on how creative your questions are. Setup takes about two minutes. Most couples play several rounds, so plan on 30 minutes to an hour for a full date night.
Add a small piece of tape. Painter’s tape is gentlest on skin. You can also hold the note up to your forehead, wear it on a headband, or skip the forehead entirely and have your spouse just keep the number hidden while they answer.
Yes. For a group or double date, everyone gets a number and anyone in the circle can answer each question. For kids, use a smaller range like 1 to 50 and simple questions such as “Could I eat this many grapes?” or “Is this how old Grandma is?”
It’s one of the easiest at-home date nights there is. It costs nothing, takes two minutes to set up, doesn’t need a babysitter, and gets you laughing together while learning how well you really know each other.
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You may keep dating the same type because your attention, preferences, social circles, and familiar relationship patterns repeatedly steer you toward similar people. Research suggests that many people show some consistency across partners, but a “type” is not destiny or a diagnosis. The useful task is to separate harmless preferences from recurring dynamics that leave you unhappy, unsafe, or emotionally stuck.
People often date a similar type because attraction is shaped by stable preferences, similarity, familiarity, opportunity, and the traits they notice first. A nine-year study found some distinctive similarity between participants’ former and current partners’ self-reported personalities. That does not prove you unconsciously recreate childhood relationships, have a particular attachment style, or choose badly. Look beyond appearance and ask what actually repeats: values, availability, communication, pace, conflict, or the role you take. Keep preferences that support you, and interrupt patterns that repeatedly undermine your needs.
Your type is the cluster of qualities you repeatedly notice, desire, choose, or encounter in potential partners. It can include visible features, humor, ambition, beliefs, emotional style, age, interests, or the way someone makes a first conversation feel.
It helps to distinguish three different kinds of repetition:
These categories can overlap. You might genuinely prefer creative people, meet many of them through your work, and also repeatedly overlook poor communication because early chemistry feels intense. Naming the exact repetition is more useful than simply saying, “I always pick the same person.”
Research suggests that some people do show measurable consistency across partners, although the effect should not be exaggerated. In a nine-year German longitudinal study, psychologists Yoobin Park and Geoff MacDonald compared former and current partners using the partners’ own personality reports. They found a significant degree of distinctive similarity between the partners, even after accounting for resemblance to the average person and to the participant.
The finding supports the idea that people can have a recurring personality type. It does not mean every ex is interchangeable, that appearance always repeats, or that the same mechanism explains everyone’s choices. The study also found weaker partner similarity among people higher in extraversion or openness, although that individual-difference result was not consistent across every analysis.
Preferences also include similarity to ourselves. A 2023 study of 1,014 single adults in China found that participants generally preferred ideal partners who resembled them in personality, physical attractiveness, and social resources. Preferences for similarity were especially strong for honesty-humility and openness. Because this was a study of ideals in one national sample, it cannot tell us exactly whom every participant later dated.
Some qualities remain appealing because they fit your values, identity, or desired life. If you value intellectual curiosity, emotional warmth, or a particular pace of life, choosing people with those traits may be sensible. A stable preference is not something you need to eliminate merely because it repeats.
Shared values, interests, and communication habits can make interaction smoother. Similarity may also feel validating because another person understands the assumptions that guide your decisions. However, similarity in one domain does not guarantee compatibility in another. Two adventurous people can still disagree about commitment, money, or how to repair conflict.
Dating choices happen within a real opportunity structure. App filters, algorithms, location, work, friends, and hobbies determine whom you repeatedly see. If your matches have the same lifestyle or presentation, your selection process may be creating the pattern before a conversation begins.
Attention is selective. When a certain style, voice, sense of humor, or social energy already means “attractive” to you, it may stand out faster than quieter qualities. That quick recognition can make one kind of person feel exciting while potentially compatible people receive less attention.
A repeated pattern may be carried by something less obvious than appearance. You may choose very different-looking partners who are all inconsistent, conflict-avoidant, highly critical, or unavailable for the relationship you want. Conversely, several partners may look similar but treat you in completely different ways.
This is why it helps to understand the different forms of attraction and to separate visual appeal from emotional compatibility, sexual attraction, shared values, and relationship readiness.
What people say they want and whom they respond to in person are related imperfectly. A major review and meta-analysis by Paul Eastwick and colleagues found that physical attractiveness predicted romantic evaluations for both men and women, while earning prospects had a smaller association. More broadly, the review explains that ideal preferences predict outcomes differently depending on the stage of the relationship and how preferences are measured.
In practical terms, your checklist is not a complete model of your attraction. Live interaction introduces humor, timing, responsiveness, voice, scent, ease, and countless contextual details. That is one reason a person outside your usual type can become appealing over several meetings. It is also why matching every stated preference does not guarantee connection.
If you want to understand whom you notice first, the Mingle2 guide Crushes Are Not Random explores how proximity, similarity, and timing can shape attraction.
A type becomes worth changing when the repeated pattern conflicts with your values, safety, or relationship goals. The fact that several partners share dark hair, a profession, or a favorite hobby is usually less important than whether you repeatedly accept dishonesty, contempt, coercion, inconsistency, or incompatible plans.
| What repeats | Usually a preference | Potentially harmful pattern |
|---|---|---|
| Appearance or style | You enjoy a certain look without ignoring character | You dismiss compatible people automatically or equate a look with trustworthiness |
| Lifestyle | You choose people whose routines fit yours | You repeatedly choose excitement that conflicts with your stated goals |
| Emotional availability | You respect a gradual pace with growing consistency | You keep pursuing people who offer intermittent attention and avoid clarity |
| Your role | Care and effort are mutual | You repeatedly rescue, manage, persuade, or prove your worth |
| Conflict | Both people can repair after disagreement | The same criticism, withdrawal, fear, or boundary violation returns |
Fear of being single can also affect selectivity. Across several studies, Stephanie Spielmann and colleagues found that greater fear of being single was associated with settling for less in relationships and, in a speed-dating study, expressing romantic interest less selectively. This does not mean that staying in an imperfect relationship proves fear or that selectivity is always healthy. It suggests one question to consider: are you choosing this person because the relationship fits, or because any relationship feels safer than being single?
List your last three meaningful dating experiences. For each one, record what attracted you, what became difficult, how conflict was handled, whether words matched actions, and why it ended. Look for repeated behaviors and roles. Avoid diagnosing your exes from a distance.
Create two short lists. The first contains relationship requirements, such as kindness, consistency, compatible commitment, respect for boundaries, and a workable lifestyle. The second contains preferred packaging, such as a certain profession, fashion style, height, or conversational energy. Do not pretend appearance never matters. Instead, make sure packaging is not outranking what sustains a relationship.
Widen one app filter, try a new activity, ask friends for introductions outside your usual circle, or initiate conversations with profiles you would normally overlook. On Mingle2, adjust one preference at a time so you can notice what actually changes.
If there is basic interest, respect, and safety, consider two or three low-pressure meetings before deciding that a person is not your type. This is not an obligation to force attraction. It is a way to collect more information when the first impression is neutral rather than negative.
Replace “Are they my type?” with more useful questions:
Strong uncertainty can feel mentally absorbing, but preoccupation is not the same as compatibility. If one person’s distance makes you chase harder, slow the pace and evaluate what is actually available. The Mingle2 article Why Some People Are So Hard to Let Go Of offers more context for persistent attachment after a difficult connection.
A therapist can help when the pattern involves abuse, coercion, trauma, severe anxiety, or repeated relationships that undermine your safety. Therapy is not required simply because your partners have similarities. Seek urgent local support if a partner threatens, controls, stalks, or harms you.
You may keep dating the same type because stable preferences, similarity, selective attention, your environment, and familiar relationship dynamics repeatedly shape your choices. Research provides some evidence that people’s former and current partners resemble one another in personality, but the pattern is not absolute. Your stated ideal also cannot fully predict attraction in real interactions. Instead of trying to date the complete opposite of everyone you have liked, identify what actually repeats. Preserve qualities that support your values, and change the filters, pace, or decisions that lead to the same painful outcome. The goal is not to eliminate your type. It is to make your choices more conscious and compatible with the relationship you want.
Not everyone has a narrow or easily described type, but many people show recurring preferences. Those preferences may concern personality, values, lifestyle, appearance, or interaction style. They can also change with experience and context. A type is best understood as a tendency, not a rule that predicts every person you will find attractive.
Attachment tendencies may influence how some people respond to closeness, dependence, or conflict, but dating a similar type does not establish an attachment style. Opportunity, values, appearance preferences, and social environment can also explain repetition. Avoid diagnosing yourself or a partner from one pattern. Focus first on observable behavior and outcomes.
Not automatically. Choosing the opposite on every dimension can discard healthy preferences without addressing the harmful dynamic. Keep requirements that support compatibility, then experiment with less important filters or first-impression habits. The useful opposite of inconsistency is consistency, not necessarily a different hairstyle, profession, or personality.
Yes. Preferences can shift as your values, social environment, relationship goals, and experiences change. You may also discover that qualities you once overlooked predict a better relationship for you. Change does not require forcing attraction. It can begin by giving different people a fair opportunity and evaluating them with clearer criteria.
Real interaction provides information that a profile or first glance cannot. Humor, responsiveness, familiarity, shared experience, and emotional connection may increase attraction. This does not happen with everyone, and you do not owe anyone romantic interest. It simply shows that initial visual preference is only one part of attraction.
Look at repeated outcomes. A pattern deserves attention when you repeatedly feel unsafe, dismissed, controlled, confused, depleted, or unable to express needs, especially when the same boundary violations or incompatible goals return. Similar harmless traits are less important than recurring behavior that damages your wellbeing.
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