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Four gentle strategies for introverts to help you enjoy online dating at your own pace, including how to recharge after dates and turn small talk into real conversation.

If you recharge in quiet moments and feel most like yourself in calm settings, you might be reluctant to date online. Online dating can be the perfect way for you to meet someone. A little advanced preparation will make it more enjoyable. I’m sharing how to make online dating work if you’re an introvert.

Online Dating for Introverts

If you have ever closed a dating app feeling more tired than when you opened it, you’re in good company. Online dating is actually a natural fit for introverts, and it offers real advantages. It also has a few features that can drain your energy.

While many introverts prefer to reveal themselves gradually as trust builds, writing a dating profile asks you to talk about yourself in a way that can feel uncomfortable. Messaging several people at once means starting many conversations with strangers, and every new message takes energy, especially if you dislike small talk. Phone calls and first dates can feel awkward.

Introverts often shine most brightly after they get to know someone better, when their humor, warmth, and thoughtfulness have room to show up. The pace of online dating can move faster than that. The good news is that each of these challenges has an easy solution.

Online Dating Can Actually Be a Good Fit for Introverts

Research suggests introverts tend to have fewer romantic relationships than extraverts. That’s because introverts usually take more time to build meaningful connections, and the places where many people meet, like parties, bars, and crowded events, can feel overwhelming to them. Imagine trying to get to know someone while shouting over loud music. Many introverts would happily skip that scene and stay home.

Online dating offers a manageable setting for introverts, where you can browse profiles from your favorite chair with a cup of tea beside you. You can take as much time as you like to write a thoughtful message, which is great for those of us who like to think and process before we speak or write.

What Introversion Really Means

Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, describes introversion as a preference for environments with less stimulation. They’re not necessarily shy. Shyness relates to fear of social judgment. But many introverts are quite confident and enjoy being with people. They do their best work in meaningful conversations and in calmer settings.

A big distinction is how they recharge. Extraverts recharge in lively, stimulating environments. Introverts recharge in quiet. That is why a first date, even a lovely one, can leave an introvert feeling drained afterward. Self-care becomes an important part of your dating plan.

Four Tips for Introverts Who Are Dating Online

1. Manage your time so your energy lasts.

Endless swiping and messaging can wear anyone out. Set a daily or weekly window for dating activity, maximum of twenty minutes a day, and close the app when the time is up. Choose a manageable number of conversations at once so each person receives your full attention. Some people find it helpful to pick two or three days a week for dating and keep the other days for their own interests and friendships. A steady rhythm helps you stay curious and warm instead of overwhelmed and drained.

2. Recharge after phone calls and dates.

Build downtime into your schedule the way you would build in a warm-up before exercise. If you have a date on Saturday afternoon, keep Saturday evening open for something restorative, like a walk, a bath, a good book, or a quiet dinner at home. Give each day its own single social event, so a phone call, a date, and a social gathering each get a day to themselves. After a date, give yourself time to notice how you feel before deciding what comes next. Debrief your dates using my debrief method.

After every date find:

• 3 things you liked about him
• 2 things you didn’t like (yellow or red flags)
• 3 things you thought you did well
• 2 things you’ll do differently on the next date

You will often get a much clearer read on the connection once you’ve had a chance to rest.

3. Let your personality show early.

Introverts often keep their inner world private, and it can take several dates for a person to get to know them. Unfortunately, in dating, people make quick judgments about who you are, so consider revealing a bit more on a first or second date. Share a story from your week, mention what lights you up, and let your humor come through. On your profile, include specific details about what you love, such as your garden, your favorite mystery author, or the trip you still dream about. Specifics give people something to respond to, and they help the right person recognize you. On the first few dates, try sharing one layer more than feels comfortable. Your depth is one of your greatest gifts, and the right person will be delighted by it.

4. Turn small talk into meaningful conversation.

Many introverts find small talk tiring because they crave depth. But small talk can actually become the doorway to depth. Start with an easy topic, then follow it with a question that invites a story. If someone mentions they love to travel, ask about the place that surprised them most. If they mention their work, ask what they enjoy about it or what they would do instead if money and time were not an issue. Questions that begin with “what” and “how” tend to open richer conversations than yes-or-no questions. Preparing a few favorite questions ahead of time can help you feel relaxed and ready. Listening deeply, which introverts do so well, makes you a memorable date.

Your Turn

If you’re an introvert, I would love to hear about your biggest challenges in dating. What are your takeaways from this article? Share them in the comments below.

And remember: it’s never too late to go on your last first date.

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If you’re struggling with online dating and want to save yourself from heartache and frustration, join the Find Love Online After 40 course! Register now and be one of the first five to get an extra bonus valued at $300 – a private laser session with me! https://lastfirstdate.com/find-love-online/

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AI Dating App Scams: What Really Happened and How to Protect Yourself

 

If you’ve ever wondered whether the person on the other end of a dating app is actually real, a recent disclosure just made that question a lot harder to brush off. Anthropic, the company behind the Claude AI models, revealed a China-based operation running an entire network of fraudulent dating apps powered almost entirely by AI personas. This guide breaks down exactly what happened and what it actually means for how you date online now.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• The straight answer is that a live video call is no longer proof an entire dating platform is genuine, since real people can be hired just to appear credible
• Anthropic identified a China-based studio running more than 20 fraudulent dating apps using thousands of AI-generated personas
• The practical takeaway: be especially cautious with unfamiliar, coin-metered apps and check a developer’s track record before spending anything. AI dating app scams are more common than ever.
• This matters for anyone who has ever assumed App Store approval means every profile they see is human

What actually happened with this AI dating app scam?

 

Anthropic’s September 2026 threat report covers malicious activity it disrupted between December 2025 and August 2026 across seven harm areas, including scams and fraud. One of the most striking case studies involved a China-based app development studio that used Anthropic’s Claude models to run a network of more than 20 fraudulent dating apps, deploying thousands of AI-generated personas to converse with real users while advertising the platforms as staffed entirely by real people. AnthropicSahara Reporters

This wasn’t a small-scale test. Over just a two-week window in April 2026, Anthropic identified more than 4,700 distinct AI personas that held conversations with at least 25,000 unique individuals across the app network, generating roughly 2.36 million messages in that period alone. The scale of these AI dating app scams is what makes it genuinely different from the catfishing stories people have heard for years. Sahara Reporters

How did real people fit into an AI-run operation?

 

This is the part that should change how you think about “proof” on dating apps. The operation didn’t run entirely on bots. Instead, the operation blended a small number of real people, recruited as gig workers, into the same matching feed as the AI-generated profiles, at a ratio of roughly three AI personas for every one human. Those real gig workers weren’t there to date anyone. AI handled continuous conversations, while human workers performed tasks that were harder to automate, including live video calls and social media follow-backs, essentially providing a layer of credibility for a system built mainly on scripted personas. Sahara ReportersBusiness Standard

That’s a genuinely uncomfortable realisation for anyone who’s ever thought “well, we video called, so I know they’re real.” The person on that call may have been paid specifically to make the wider operation look legitimate, while the bulk of the actual conversations you had were with someone, or something, else entirely.

Why did these apps get past App Store review in the first place?

 

The operators didn’t just build convincing fake profiles, they engineered around the app stores’ own safeguards. Anthropic said the operators engineered the apps specifically to slip past Apple’s App Store and Google’s Play Store review processes, building a hidden interface that activated only during platform review and otherwise stayed dormant, while differentiating code across variants to defeat similarity checks the platforms use to detect copycat apps. Sahara Reporters

In practice, that means an app can pass every check a store runs and still be running this kind of operation once it’s live. App store approval was never designed to catch this, and this case shows exactly how a determined operator can work around it.

How were people actually being monetised?

 

The business model here matters as much as the deception itself. Once someone was engaged in conversation with a persona, the platform’s revenue came from keeping that conversation going. Users purchased coins to continue conversations, a structure that rewards the operator for maximising engagement rather than actual connection, since every extended chat translates directly into revenue whether or not a real match is ever possible.

What’s Anthropic actually done about AI dating app scams?

 

Anthropic has since banned the accounts involved and shared its findings with Apple, Google, and other AI companies to help block similar abuse, according to its report. Independent reporting since the disclosure has added useful context too: a follow-up investigation found that most of the associated apps had been removed by mid-September, though at least one remained live at the time of checking, and separately linked several of the apps through shared code and infrastructure, while noting not every detail in Anthropic’s report could be independently verified. In short, the response has been real, but not instant, and not necessarily complete. NTD

What should you actually do differently now?

 

• Be particularly cautious with unfamiliar, coin-metered apps, since that payment structure is exactly what made this operation profitable
• Check the developer’s history and look for independent reviews outside the app store itself, not just the star rating
• Don’t assume a video call is conclusive proof the whole platform, or even the person you’re speaking to regularly, is genuine
• Watch for a pattern where a video call happens once, early on, and every conversation afterward stays purely text-based

None of this means every dating app is compromised, but it does mean the old shortcuts for “proving” someone’s real no longer hold up the way they used to.

Why does this matter beyond one news story?

 

This case is a useful reminder that AI dating app scams aren’t a future risk, they’re already operating at genuine scale. If something about a platform or a specific conversation feels engineered to keep you paying rather than actually connecting, that instinct is worth trusting. For a broader look at how to evaluate whether an online dating approach is actually working for you, it’s worth reading whether dating apps are genuinely worth using alongside this one.

If you’d rather sidestep the whole guessing game around app authenticity, it’s also worth understanding how properly vetted, human-run introduction services operate completely differently from this.

Sometimes you just need someone in your corner who’s already seen where the landscape is heading. James Preece has helped thousands of people navigate modern dating, including exactly these kinds of trust and safety questions, for over two decades. BOOK A COACHING SESSION and he’ll help you build a dating approach that doesn’t rely on hoping the platform is honest.

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We are a professional review company that receives compensation from companies whose products we review. We test each product thoroughly and give high marks only to the ones that are the very best. We are independently owned, and the opinions expressed here are our own.

You want to flirt with her.

You want her to feel some attraction.

Maybe you even want to turn up the sexual tension a little.

But there’s a problem.

Go too far too quickly, and a fun conversation can suddenly become awkward.

That’s why turning a woman on over text doesn’t have to mean sending explicit messages.

In fact, sometimes what you don’t say is what gives her imagination room to work.

This was a mistake I made myself, and my younger self had to learn the hard way.

You can tease her. Create anticipation. Make her laugh. Bring back a memory. Get her imagining the two of you together.

And you can do all of that without asking what she’s wearing.

Here are 12 ways to turn her on over text without getting explicit – and why they can work.

1. Bring Back a Moment You Shared

One of the easiest ways to create attraction over text is to bring her back to something she already enjoyed.

Maybe something funny happened on your date.

Maybe she gave you a particular look.

Maybe you both laughed about something nobody else would understand.

You could text:

“I just walked past that place from Saturday. I’m still blaming you for what happened.”

Why it works

You’re not starting attraction from zero.

You’re reconnecting her with an experience and the emotions attached to it.

And because the memory belongs to both of you, the message feels personal rather than copied from a list of pickup lines.

2. Give Her a Compliment That Isn’t About Her Body

There’s nothing inherently wrong with telling a woman she’s beautiful.

But she’s probably heard it before.

Instead, notice something more specific.

For example:

“I like the way your face changes when you’re about to say something you know you shouldn’t.”

Or:

“You have a dangerously good sense of humor.”

Why it works

Specific compliments can make someone feel seen.

You’re showing her that you’ve been paying attention rather than simply reacting to her appearance.

That’s especially useful if you’re trying to make a woman feel appreciated while still keeping the conversation flirty.

3. Tease Her About Something She Actually Said

Good teasing is personal and playful.

Bad teasing is insulting and then pretending it was a joke.

Suppose she told you she takes board games ridiculously seriously.

Later you might text:

“I’ve reconsidered our second date. I’m not sure I’m emotionally prepared to lose at Scrabble.”

Why it works

You’re doing several things at once.

You’re remembering something she told you.

You’re creating an inside joke.

And you’re casually introducing the possibility of seeing each other again.

The flirtation isn’t in some magical combination of words.

It’s in the shared context.

4. Tell Her What You’re Looking Forward To

Anticipation can be more powerful than trying to make every conversation sexual.

If you already have a date planned, try something as simple as:

“I’m looking forward to seeing that smile again Friday.”

Or slightly more playful:

“Friday should be interesting. I have a feeling you’re trouble.”

Why it works

Now Friday isn’t simply something written in her calendar.

You’ve highlighted how it might feel to see each other again.

And importantly, there’s still plenty left unsaid.

If you want more examples of messages that create this kind of anticipation, I’ve collected 15 irresistible texts that build attraction for different dating situations.

5. Make Her Wonder What You’re About to Say

Curiosity works best when it comes naturally.

For example:

“I realized something about you today.”

She’s probably going to ask:

“What?”

Now you actually need an answer.

Maybe:

“You’re much more competitive than you pretend to be.”

Or:

“You act innocent right up until you start teasing me.”

Why it works

The first message opens a loop.

The second pays it off.

That’s very different from deliberately withholding information for hours to make her anxious.

Don’t manufacture uncertainty.

Create curiosity – then reward it.

6. Use a Playful “What If?”

“What if?” questions are useful because they move the conversation away from facts and into imagination.

Try:

“What if we had an entire day together and weren’t allowed to make any plans beforehand?”

Or:

“What if I gave you control of our next date – where are we going?”

Why it works

She can’t answer without imagining a scenario.

And depending on your existing chemistry, that imaginary scenario can become playful, romantic, or flirtatious.

If you like this approach, I put together 11 questions to turn her on over text without making it weird.

Want 10 more texts you can actually use?

FREE Report Reveals the Best 10 Texts to Send Any Woman and Get Her Out on a Date Tonight without Using Cheesy Pick-Up Lines, Useless Mind Games, or Manipulation.

7. Stop Trying to Turn Her On

Yes.

One way to turn up attraction is to stop trying so hard to turn her on.

If every compliment becomes sexual…

Every joke becomes innuendo…

Every conversation somehow ends up about sex…

…she knows exactly where every message is going.

No tension is left because there’s no uncertainty.

Why it works

Attraction needs room.

Have a normal conversation.

Make her laugh.

Talk about something you’re both interested in.

Sometimes end the conversation without trying to escalate it.

If she likes you, you don’t need to remind her that you’re sexually attracted to her constantly.

And if she doesn’t like you, making the messages more sexual probably won’t fix it.

8. Let Her Imagination Finish the Sentence

You don’t always need to explain everything.

Suppose she teases you about what would happen on your next date.

Instead of writing a paragraph describing exactly what you want to happen, you could say:

“I have a few ideas. I’m not sure you’ve earned all of them yet.”

That’s suggestive.

But it isn’t explicit.

Why it works

You’ve left a space.

Her imagination gets to decide what might fill it.

And whatever she imagines may be more personally exciting to her than whatever explicit message you could have written.

This is also why learning how to make her think about you when you’re not around can matter more than simply increasing the number of messages you send.

9. Use Sensory Details Without Making Them Sexual

Sensory language makes a message easier to picture.

Think:

Music.

Food.

Warmth.

Rain.

A particular smell.

A place.

For example:

“This weather makes me want a tiny bar, good music and something warm to drink.”

If you’re already dating:

“I found this little place with low lights and ridiculously good food. You’d like it.”

Why it works

Compare that with:

“Want to go out sometime?”

The second message communicates information.

The first gives her something she can picture.

You don’t need graphic sexual language to make a text feel more vivid.

10. Send a Voice Note When It Fits

Text removes tone of voice.

Sometimes that’s useful.

Sometimes your voice communicates something words on a screen can’t.

A short voice note can carry warmth, confidence, amusement, and playfulness.

Why it works

She doesn’t just read what you said.

She hears how you said it.

That can make the interaction feel more personal.

But don’t suddenly send a five-minute monologue to someone who has never exchanged voice messages with you.

As with everything else here, context matters.

11. Create an Inside Joke That Belongs to the Two of You

Inside jokes are powerful because they’re exclusive without being manipulative.

Someone else could read the same message and have absolutely no idea why it’s funny.

The two of you do.

For example, maybe a terrible pineapple pizza somehow became part of your first date.

Days later:

“I just saw pineapple pizza again. Apparently the universe wants us to have this argument.”

Why it works

Now an ordinary object can remind her of you.

That’s valuable.

The goal isn’t to dominate her attention.

It’s to become associated with enjoyable moments in her life.

And those small associations can keep working long after the conversation ends.

12. Give Her Something to Look Forward To

This is where several of the ideas in this article come together.

Instead of describing everything you’d like to do with her, create anticipation around something real.

For example:

“I know exactly where I’m taking you next time. You’re going to love it.”

Or:

“Remind me Friday. There’s something I want to show you.”

Why it works

Now there’s an unfinished future moment involving both of you.

She doesn’t have to obsess over it.

She doesn’t have to spend all day thinking about you.

But you’ve given her a reason to look forward to seeing you again.

And anticipation is often much more attractive than another explicit message.

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Why Being Less Explicit Can Sometimes Be More Flirtatious

Imagine watching a movie where the director explains absolutely everything.

Every emotion.

Every motive.

Every mystery.

There’s nothing left for you to discover.

Texting can work the same way.

Explicit messages remove ambiguity very quickly.

Sometimes that’s completely appropriate between two people who already have that kind of relationship.

But when attraction is still developing, implication can give both people room to participate.

You say something playful.

She decides how playfully she wants to respond.

You introduce an imaginary scenario.

She decides where she wants to take it.

That back-and-forth matters.

Flirting isn’t something you do to another person.

It’s something two people create together.

What If She Takes the Conversation in a Sexual Direction?

Then pay attention to what she’s actually communicating.

If she starts making the conversation more sexual herself, you don’t need to panic and suddenly become formal.

You can flirt back.

But don’t treat one sexual joke as permanent permission to make every future conversation explicit.

Match the interaction that’s happening now.

And if you’re unsure, slowing down is rarely a catastrophe.

Attraction doesn’t disappear because you failed to turn one message into sexting.

Don’t Confuse Attraction With Constant Texting

Another common mistake is assuming:

“If she’s attracted to me, she’ll want to text me all day.”

Not necessarily.

People work.

They have friends.

They sleep.

They put their phones down.

And some people aren’t big texters.

Sending more messages doesn’t automatically create more attraction.

Sometimes it does the opposite.

That’s why knowing what to say to turn her on over text is less important than knowing when the conversation is actually working.

And if texting consistently makes women less interested rather than more interested, that’s a different problem worth examining.

Is This “Future Pacing”?

Some of these examples use a very simple psychological idea: getting someone to imagine a possible future.

A date.

A weekend.

A place.

Something you’re going to do together.

That’s often called future pacing.

There’s nothing magical about it.

If I ask you to imagine sitting on a beach tomorrow with a cold drink in your hand, you can probably create some version of that scene in your mind.

Dating marketers sometimes take ideas like this much further.

One product in particular, The Girlfriend Button, builds much of its pitch around getting a woman to imagine a future involving you. Its marketing then connects the idea to much more sensational claims about subliminal messages, psychological warfare, and “mind control.”

Those are very different claims from saying imagination can make a conversation more vivid.

I’ve gone through the offer separately so you can see what it actually teaches, what’s behind the marketing, and whether I think it’s worth the $69 price.

Here’s my review of The Girlfriend Button that you might want to read first.

You Don’t Need to Say More. Give Her More to Imagine.

Turning up the attraction over text doesn’t require becoming more graphic.

Often it means becoming more interesting.

Remember what she tells you.

Tease her about things you share.

Create anticipation.

Give her something to look forward to.

Let a little mystery survive the conversation.

And most importantly, notice whether she’s playing along.

Because the best flirtatious text isn’t the one that forces the conversation somewhere sexual.

It’s the one that gives her room to take it there with you.

Rickard