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Are you using the apps to meet new people or in the hopes of finding a new relationship?When was the last time you took a good look at your attitude around using them? Online dating tips, as seen on social media sites or heard on podcasts, often focus on the profile setup, but we think that a person’s mindset is equally important. 

After all, so many of us are swiping, but yet how often do we dwell on thoughts like:

• There are no good people on here
• Dating apps suck
• All the decent people are taken
• This is too much work

As with anything important that we want to improve in life, it is important to examine our mindset around online dating. Dating is meant to be enjoyable and approaching dating with a positive attitude can only help. Before you swipe, explore our five top tips for developing a positive dating app mindset. 

Five mindsets for online dating success

Willingness to embrace positivity

If you are dating because you would like to meet a long-term partner, it stands to reason that you believe there is someone compatible out there for you. But how deeply do you really believe that? If you were to listen to the way you talk to your friends about the dating apps, would your words show that you believe that your person is out there somewhere?

If you are dating again after a breakup, it is natural to be worried that there isn’t anyone out there who gets us or that dating is fruitless. Disappointment after a relationship didn’t work out can really impact how we think about love and romance… and this is okay! 

But if these thoughts are drowning out the belief that you can find a compatible partner on the apps as you explore dating again it will negatively impact your experience and chances of success. If this is you, it might be a better idea to hold off while you put more time and space between the breakup and dating again.

Put the time and work into feeling positive about the apps and your chances. Getting into a mindset of positivity around dating again will boost your resiliency to the inevitable less-than-awesome first date. When you feel positive that you will eventually find the right person for your future, the occasional speed bump won’t send you into a tailspin.

If it isn’t a breakup that is causing you to feel grumpy or doubtful about dating, it may be a good idea to do some work to reframe your thoughts. Remember, positivity attracts positivity! 

“Finding love on the apps is possible for me.”

 

Willingness to put in the time

The beauty of dating apps is that you will have the chance to go on multiple dates with multiple people and tweak things as you go along. The goal is to eventually really click with someone, but it rarely happens on the first try. It may happen quickly for some people, but typically it will take meeting a lot of people before making a quality connection with the potential for a long-term relationship. And aren’t the best things in life worth waiting for? 

But all too often, when things don’t happen right away, our mindset can shift to “online dating sucks” rather than “online dating is a journey.” 

There will be bumps and dead ends along the way. If you’re feeling discouraged  maybe a date you enjoyed didn’t lead to a second date or you didn’t enjoy yourself on a date, keep an eye on your perspective and attitude. 

Letting the frustration that things aren’t clicking fast enough will hold you back from finding a compatible partner because it takes time! Think about your group of school friends. You wouldn’t want to date every single person in that group, right? On the apps, you have an even bigger pool of people, with even less in common. The sheer numbers that are on the apps are both a gift and a curse. Assuming that it will take time to find a potential partner simply because you won’t click with everyone will help keep you from getting discouraged. 

A good way to look at it is to try NOT to click with people so that you will get closer to the people you will connect with! 

“I’m ready to put in however long it takes to find someone as special as me.”

 

Willingness to experiment

Using a dating app is about trial and error and seeing what works. There are filters to adjust, photos to try out, communication skills to use when chatting, a compelling bio to write, questions to answer, and more. It is important to remember that just like with many things in life and love, in order to have the best results, you may need to adjust how you do things. 

After all, Hey Saturday exists because of this need— your grainy selfies weren’t working so now you are intentionally trying something new that has a record of success and a strategy behind it. Your dating app photos are not the only area you may have to experiment with. 

Just like meeting people in real life, finding quality people online means putting your best foot forward and paying attention to the results. This may mean that you regularly make changes to your profile, ask for advice, have new photos taken, examine your texting skills, and more. Put on your scientist hat— make a hypothesis, test, adjust and repeat!

“I’ll get better at showing my authentic self online through trial and error.”

 

Willingness to set boundaries

When you are meeting new people all of the time, it’s even more  important than usual to have boundaries! Having an authentically enjoyable time while also getting closer to meeting someone you may have a relationship with means setting limits. It means knowing what you want and then being able to ask for it. And yes, it will mean saying ‘no’ and not pursuing things that you feel won’t lead to the joy you want and deserve. 

Online dating pro tip: each “no” that you use in dating is as important as each “yes.” 

Not only do you have to know what your boundaries are and communicate them, but it is essential that you be okay with enforcing them. You’re going to be on an emotional roller coaster if each time you meet someone that is a no for you, you start feeling really negative towards dating apps and the process . Remember that what is wrong for you can never be right for someone else. Know that any disappointment others may feel that you are uninterested is temporary and for the best. 

“When I say “no” to the wrong person, I am saying “yes” to the right person.”

 

Willingness to put yourself first 

How much do you put yourself as a priority? Are you a people pleaser? Are you in touch with your desires? 

There is little point to using a dating app to find a partner if you say yes to every request, swipe right on every photo, message back anyone who messages you and say yes to every date, especially if you say yes to dates you don’t want to go on.  If this is something you feel describes you, read up on scarcity mindset and how to rewrite that belief. 

Use dating apps with the goal of creating the experience that you will most enjoy. The reason we have apps is that they let us pick and choose the people and experiences that most light us up and that we resonate with. This is your chance to make the rules. And to do so you must be comfortable making them. 

“I can curate my own experience of dating apps.” 

 

Want more guidance on healing a broken heart, dating again, and building up the self-confidence to attract the best people into your life? Make sure to catch new episodes of the Ex-Philes podcast every Tuesday. 

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Ex-Philes is a weekly podcast hosted by breakup coaches Clair Lofthouse and Janice Formichella. A podcast about breakups, broken hearts, and moving on, Ex-Philes is here to help anyone struggling to put a breakup behind them to turn a corner, or to support those who are ready for a positive future after a breakup. 

Head here to follow Clair on Instagram and here to follow Janice.

Meet our wonderful American woman of the week, Midwesterngirl!

Midwesterngirl is 36, and she joined our dating site this year in the hopes of meeting a British man.

Check out her profile here.

We decided to sit down with her to find out more about what she is looking for…

What made you decide to join DateBritishGuys.com / DateAmericanWomen.com?

“I love to travel and meet others, but since I can’t do that now – thought I’d see who I might meet on here!”

Tell us a bit about yourself.

“So I’m from the Midwestern US, and I work for the federal government. I love all things Marvel, and I also love theater, musicals and live music (goodness, I miss concerts).”

“I’ve recently got into Dungeons and Dragons, and I really love photography and writing as well. I’m a sucker for an accent and a good sense of humor (if you make, and then laugh at, your own bad jokes, we’ll get along just fine). I’m also a huge animal lover.”

What do you enjoy doing in your free time?

“Pre-Covid, I liked to travel and explore new cities, go to concerts, gigs, and movies. There are also a few things I enjoy that COVID hasn’t affected (thankfully!), which are taking photos, reading, and writing.”

Describe your perfect first date.

“I think something that is thoughtful is perfect. I love low-key places like coffee shops and bookstores, so a nice dinner then wandering to see some live music or a bookstore would be so much fun!”

Are you looking for a serious relationship?

“I am! I would love to find a partner to spend time with (and hopefully travel and have adventures with once it’s safe to do so!).”

 Do you prefer coffee or tea?

“Absolutely coffee. I don’t just love coffee, I *need* coffee. Think Lorelai Gilmore in Gilmore Girls (my favorite show, by the way!).”

 Do you own any pets?

“I do! I adopted two sister kittens back in November – Luna and Willow. They’re either tiny terrors or total snuggle bugs, but ultimately adorable – so I love them either way.”

 

Joining a dating agency is an exciting step. You are making a clear decision to invest in your love life and work with professionals who know the dating world inside out. However, paying a fee is only the beginning. The clients who do best are not always the ones with the most money or the most glamorous profiles. They are the ones who know how to get the most from a dating agency.

In this guide, we will cover 10 simple but powerful strategies that many people overlook. If you apply these, you will dramatically increase your chances of getting real value from the agency you choose.

1. Be Honest In Your First Conversation

 

It can be tempting to present a polished version of yourself, glossing over anything that feels messy or complicated. You might downplay an ex, skip over health issues or soften your views on children, money or religion.

To get the most from a dating agency, you need to do the opposite. Be honest. Tell the truth kindly, but clearly. Your matchmaker can only help you if they understand your real situation. Hiding important information now almost always leads to problems later.

2. Be Clear About Your Non Negotiables

 

Everyone has preferences, but not everything can be a dealbreaker. Work out what truly matters to you. For example:

• Do you absolutely want or not want children

• Is smoking completely unacceptable

• Are there any values or beliefs that you cannot compromise on

Once you have identified a few genuine non negotiables, be more flexible on everything else. This approach allows your matchmaker to search widely while still respecting your core values.

3. Stay Open Minded About The Details

 

Many clients quietly hold on to a very specific image of the partner they think they should be with. A certain height, profession or hair colour can become something they cling to without even noticing.

If you want to get the most from a dating agency, try to let go of rigid ideas about the details. Instead, focus on how you want to feel with someone: respected, safe, attracted, understood, inspired. Let your matchmaker suggest people who meet those emotional needs, even if they look different from what you imagined.

4. Communicate Clearly With Your Matchmaker

 

Your matchmaker is not a mind reader. After each introduction or date, take time to share thoughtful feedback. Talk about:

The more specific you can be, the more your matchmaker can refine their search. Short, vague comments like “nice enough, but no spark” are less helpful than a clear explanation.

5. Be Willing To Look At Your Own Patterns

 

Sometimes, when things are not working, it is easier to blame the agency than to reflect on our own behaviour. Of course agencies vary in quality, but it is also worth asking:

• Do I tend to pick the same type of person and get the same result

• Do I pull away when someone treats me well

• Do I ignore red flags because I am attracted

• Do I move too quickly or too slowly

Being open to coaching and feedback is a big part of learning to get the most from a dating agency. It turns the process into genuine growth rather than just a series of introductions.

6. Make Space In Your Life For Dating

 

If your schedule is completely packed, even the best matchmaker in the world will struggle to help you build a relationship. Before or soon after joining an agency, look at your diary honestly.

Ask yourself:

• Am I willing to protect some evening or weekend time for dates

• Can I reduce or rearrange commitments slightly if needed

• Am I prepared to turn down occasional social or work events to prioritise dating

You do not need to overhaul your entire life. But you do need to create enough space for a relationship to have a chance to grow.

7. Get The Most From A Dating Agency By Managing Your Expectations About Timing

 

Some clients meet someone special very quickly. Others take longer. There is no fixed formula. If you expect instant results, you might become discouraged before the process has had time to work.

To get the most from a dating agency, think in terms of a journey, not a quick fix. Each introduction teaches you something. Each date gives your matchmaker more information. Staying patient and engaged gives you a much better chance of success.

8. Treat Every Introduction With Respect

 

Even if you know within a few minutes that someone is not for you, remember that they are still a person with feelings. Arrive on time. Be polite. Listen. Hold your boundaries kindly.

How you behave on dates reflects on you, and your matchmaker will hear about it. Clients who treat others well tend to inspire more effort and enthusiasm from their agency.

9. Use Coaching To Support The Process

 

Many people assume that coaching is only for those who are struggling badly. In reality, it is one of the best ways to get the most from a dating agency. Coaching can help you:

Even a few sessions can make a big difference to how you show up and how others respond to you.

You can read more about working with me as a coach here:

DATING COACHING

10. Stay In Touch, Even When It Feels Uncomfortable

 

Finally, remember that your matchmaker cannot support you if you disappear. If you feel disheartened, overwhelmed or unsure, tell them. They may be able to adjust the pace, rethink your criteria or simply reassure you that what you are experiencing is part of the process.

Being honest when things feel difficult is one of the strongest things you can do. It turns your agency into a partner rather than just a service you once paid for.

Get The Most From A Dating Agency With My Free Advice Call

 

If you are thinking of joining a dating agency or are already a member and want to make sure you get the most from it, you can book a completely free 15 minute call with me here:

BOOK NOW

We can talk through your current approach, your patterns and your goals, and make sure you are using your agency in a way that truly serves you.

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Introducing Our Brand-New Website: Designed to Help You Find Love, Faster

We are excited to announce the launch of our newly redesigned AsianSingleSolution.com — a fresh, modern experience built to help you connect more easily, more confidently, and more enjoyably. Whether you’re new to the site or a returning member, you’ll notice striking visual improvements, smoother navigation, and smart new profile features that bring your personality to life.

We know dating should feel inspiring, welcoming, and fun — not overwhelming. That’s why this redesign focuses on clarity, simplicity, and connection. So take a look around, explore the new site, and most importantly… boost your love life. We’d love to hear what you think. Email us (reply to any of our emails) or Please visit contact us – select My Query is not listed and you can send us a ticket.

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A Fresh, Modern Design That’s More Enjoyable to Use

First impressions count — and that’s why we’ve embraced a cleaner, more attractive design throughout the site. You’ll notice bright visuals, contemporary typography, warmer colours, and a smoother layout that feels both stylish and easy to navigate. Everything has been sized, spaced, and refined to make browsing feel relaxed instead of cluttered.

Whether you’re on desktop, tablet, or mobile, the new design adapts beautifully so you can search and message comfortably from anywhere. We want your online dating experience to feel stress-free — and this new design does exactly that.

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New Profile Layout: Designed to Show the Real You

Your profile should tell your story — who you are, what you enjoy, what you’re looking for — and help the right people feel that spark. That’s why we’ve redesigned the profile layout to make every detail clearer, more readable, and more visually appealing.

• Your main details are easier to find — no more scrolling around for the key facts.
• Photos now shine more than ever — your gallery is shown more prominently throughout.
• Personal stories stand out — your bio, passions, and interests are displayed in a way that makes real personality shine.

This is the perfect time to refresh your profile. We now allow up to 8 photos, and we strongly recommend using them all. Mix it up:

• A friendly headshot
• A natural smile
• Something that shows your personal style
• Photos doing a hobby or activity you love

These small touches make a big difference. People connect best when they can imagine life with you — your personality, confidence, and warmth.

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Smarter Search & Match Features: Find the Right People Faster

Finding someone who shares your values and lifestyle shouldn’t feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. Our redesigned search tools make it easier than ever to filter profiles by the things that matter to you — from location and background to interests and life goals.

• More intuitive search layout
• Cleaner filters and clearer results
• Faster browsing with less scrolling

Whether you like to browse casually or refine your match list with precision, the experience is now smoother and more enjoyable. The aim: to spend less time searching and more time connecting.

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A More Engaging, Welcoming Community Experience

AsianSingleSolution has always been more than a dating platform — it’s a community built around shared culture, values, and connection. Our new site strengthens this by making conversations and interactions feel more fluid and meaningful.

• Messaging feels cleaner and easier to follow
• Profile highlights help conversations spark more naturally
• The whole space feels warmer and more personal

Small improvements add up to a more human, more enjoyable dating experience.

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Relaunch Party – Sat 6 December

Join us and over 100 of our smartest and brightest singles on Saturday 6 December to celebrate our relaunch. Tickets are limited so book soon if you wish to join.

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Try the New Site Today — And Tell Us What You Think

This redesign isn’t just a fresh coat of paint — it’s an investment in helping you find real, lasting love. We’ll continue to improve the experience based on your suggestions and feedback, and we’d truly love to hear your thoughts.

So dive in, update your profile, refresh your photos — and start exploring.

Your next great match may be just a click away.