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What is a Friends With Benefits Relationship (FWB)?

Friends with Benefits, commonly abbreviated as FWB is a quasi-relationship where you engage in sexual activity with someone, sometimes for weeks, months or even decades, without being in an ongoing romantic, monogamous relationship.  

FWB’s often choose to engage in sexual relationships with multiple partners, more often than not with the full knowledge of the other person. There is no sense of ownership over that individual’s body or actions (though please make sure you are using condoms and getting tested regularly).

This does not mean that the FWB relationship is polygamous, or polyamorous as there is no long term romantic intention, and no commitment to the partner, other than that of a sexual connection. 

Most importantly though, FWB is for consensual adults, and vitally, a relationship of equals. Both parties understand the ground rules, and the limitations of the relationship they are engaging in. There is warmth, and affection when you are together. 

There is mutual respect, mutual understanding, sometimes some great intimacy when together, and always, always great sex. Incredible sex. Because if the sex in FWB isn’t great, then what are you getting out of it? Nothing, so get out of it !

How can you make FWB work? 

The key to FWB working is knowing that it is nothing more than this, that your FWB is not going to “change their mind” and decide you are the right partner for them. 

Providing both parties know the limits and boundaries of their relationship,  FWB can work well for people at certain times of their life. 

You need to be open and honest about your sexual needs and desires. If you are not in a committed relationship, then the least you can expect and deserve is to be satisfied sexually. 

Often though, FWB does not end well. Both parties often start off with the same idea and intention, to have “strings free sex” but over time, it is common for one party to feel more attached. And avoiding heartbreak is one of the very reasons that people may choose to engage in sex with someone without having the commitment of a long term relationship. 

Are you emotionally mature enough to be a FWB?

Being part of a Friends with Benefits relationship is not for everyone. It can be hard to remember the unwritten boundaries. 

It can be even harder to stick to them when you find yourself with deepening feelings. 

It is important to know that at any time, your FWB might let you know that they have found someone they want to commit to, and it is within this freedom that you have the relationship in the first place. 

You have to be willing to waive goodbye to that great sex, and that great human, when they find someone they want a different connection with, without it breaking your heart. 

All fair in Love and War, and all’s fair with FWB. 

Bonding With Your Sexual Partner

The hormones released in orgasm such as endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin can often cause women in particular (who seem to gain a bigger hormone hit) to develop strong feelings of attachment.

These feelings are  not based on the sexual partner’s personality, morals, values or belief system, but rather the hormones are dictating those feelings of connection and bonding. 

If you are entering into FWB, know that the relationship is highly likely to not evolve further, that you are going to have bursts of physical intimacy but not romantic or supportive intimacy, love and connection. 

What is a situationship?

A situationship is a form of deception. Where one party believes that they are in a relationship, or building towards a relationship, whereas the other person views it very much as a purely sexual relationship.  

Whereas FWB involves two consenting adults making a decision around desire, and sexual needs and fulfillment, a situationship is taking advantage of one person’s strong desire to have a relationship and leading them on while having sex with them.

People who engage in a situationship usually let you know at the start of the “relationship” that they are going to do this. 

They usually say “I am not looking for anything serious right now” but then go on to behave very differently. 

They will contact you, flirt with you, make you feel special. They might tell you how much they care about you and how interested they are in you. 

What they don’t do however, is meetup reliably, or be there for you consistently. You also have a sneaky feeling they are seeing someone else or multiple people, but you can’t put your finger on why. 

You often only hear from them when they want to have some Netflix and Chill time. They have never confirmed you are dating, and you never meet up and don’t have sex. 

How do I know if I am in a situationship? 

Are you worried that you might have found yourself in a situationship? 

Are you being fobbed off when you discuss exclusivity, and only seem to hear from your “other half” when they want something from you? 

If you don’t have the clarity you are looking for, if you are not sure if you are in a relationship, or are generally confused on your status, then you are sadly not in a relationship. 

Maybe you are even too afraid to ask in case it pushes that person away. 

If that is the case, what do you possibly do? You ask them.  

I can almost guarantee they will tell you “but I said I wasn’t looking for anything serious!”. Making you feel as though you are the one who has made everything up “in your head”, and you may well find yourself heartbroken. 

They were a person you had hopes and dreams for, and those hopes and dreams are now gone. 

How could someone you have had sex with, spent time with, got to know, not realise just how fabulous a person you are? 

It is genuinely not about you. It is about them. Perhaps their avoidant attachment style, perhaps their narcissism, perhaps they just prefer dating multiple people and never picking one. 

The quicker you are able to dust yourself off, the quicker you can find the person who does want you, just for you. 

Set your relationship expectations early on

How do you ensure you don’t find yourself in an accidental situationship?

Set your stall out early. 

The moment someone tells you they don’t want a relationship, they don’t want something serious… believe them.  They are NOT going to change their mind.

Thank them for a lovely evening/day/week/month and move on. 

Them keeping you dangling until they find someone else, or spending their lives keeping a series of unhappy people in their wake, is not going to change. 

Their intentions are clear. 

So ensure your intentions are clear. Know what you are looking for, not in terms of height or income or educational level (I talk more about why these things are really unimportant dating criteria), but in terms of values, and relationship direction. 

You don’t have to tell someone on a first date that you want to get married and have kids. Well, you don’t have to anyway.

Here are 5 ways to avoid a situationship:

1. Set your stall from the beginning: Set out what you are looking for in a relationship, very near the start. Want to get married and have children with the right person? That might not be first date relaxed getting to know you chat, but it certainly is within the first few…
2. People who want a relationship, will tell you. When someone tells you, and they will tell you (early on!) what they are looking for: something serious, something not serious, a fling, or “let’s just see how things go”. Believe them. 
3. Don’t accept not knowing. In your heart of hearts you know when something isn’t right, when you don’t hear from them, when they don’t respond promptly, when you haven’t met their friends or family. When the charm is turned on when you are together, but turned off when you are apart. 
4. A few months in and not sure? Ask. They can either say they are not sure yet (this is the same thing as saying they don’t want a relationship with you), or they will refer you back to their earlier don’t want a relationship conversation, OR they will tell you “of course you are in a relationship together!”
5. Accept the truth. This is vital. You are not going to get the window shopper to change their mind. Get out there and find that person who wants to be with you. 

It is tough to date without the help of a matchmaker willing you on and advising you as a trusted friend. However, armed with this information, you can now distinguish between a FWB, a relationship and a situationship. Hopefully avoiding some of the common pitfalls that can befall those seeking a long term committed relationship. 

If FWB isn’t for you, and you are keen to avoid joining others in an unsuitable situationship, then matchmaking might be for you. The London matchmakers at Drawing Down the Moon are not only multiple award winning, we are also the UK’s original matchmaking company – established in 1984. 

Our friendly matchmakers are ready to hold your hand, and join you on your journey to love. If a serious relationship is something you are looking for, then apply to us now. We can’t wait to hear from you !

The perfect date restaurant is hard to stumble by. Even in the most affluent places, you expect a pretentious server or an expensive, mediocre starter to spoil the affair. I’ve had many Indian meals, but none at fine dining establishments. And wow, Mint Leaf delivered an education into Indian cuisine and an exceptional restaurant experience.

Within walking distance of Bank Underground Station, Mint Leaf London sits on Angel Court, a quiet lane off Throgmortan Street. The grand building beckons you in, with flowers and red rope adorning the entrance.

Greeted with a friendly face, we sat at our table and were immediately welcomed with menus. Serving halal food with South Asian flavours, Mint Leaf London also provides a lounge. It has an award-winning, 16-metre-long cocktail bar with over 500 spirits.

The cocktail menu has everything and more, so I opted for a fruity recommendation. I received Sunderban – a signature drink featuring Vodka, Peach, Pineapple, Grenadine & Lemon Juice.

While the classics start at £12.50, the ultimate wow-factor signatures are between £15.95 – £19.95. I’d recommend trying at least one at the bar before heading to your table. If you love a sweet, fruity cocktail like me, Sunderban is a must-try.

The Royal Bee also lived up to its description as an interpretation of a drink created for the Royals of India.

Our meal started with appetisers: Lamb Seekh Kebab (skewered lamb mince spiced & char-grilled, £16) and Dahi Padi Chaat (spicy, tangy Indian street food with yoghurt and crispy wheat cracker, £12). The former should be mandatory to order as a first course. It complimented the lamb wonderfully and tasted so scrumptious that we devoured the bowl within minutes.

We chose chicken curries for mains: Butter Chicken Masala (ideal if you’re not a strong spice lover but still want mouth watering flavour, £23) and Chicken Banjara (£23), which had more of a kick. With generous portions, we only needed one rice (£5.50) and one naan (£5).

I wouldn’t have found room for dessert if I didn’t have such a sweet tooth. As a cheesecake fanatic, I couldn’t refuse the Vanilla Cheese Cake (8.99). Again, it was delicious and worth every mouthful.

Mint Leaf London: Why it ticks all the boxes

Mint Leaf is simply stunning. The chic exterior and interior create the wow factor you want when trying to be romantic. I love the balloons across the bar and above the clock in the restaurant. I would have preferred, however, more lighting or brightness in the restaurant area.

The UK can stereotype Indian cuisine as a takeaway option or post-drinking cure. If you’re one of those people, please push those thoughts aside and sample authentic, traditional food (with a Mint Leaf twist). While I can’t pretend I’m an expert, I could taste the menu’s quality.

They use British seasonal produce where possible and prepare the ingredients using the traditional tandoor oven, charcoal grill and tawa hot plate.

On top of the pleasing aesthetics and fine dining, the staff proudly presented our meals. We felt welcomed and well looked after.

If you want a luxe dining experience without compromising on quality food, add Mint Leaf London to your restaurant wish list.

Book a table and learn more here.

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Disclaimer: I was invited to review the restaurant in exchange for a review. Read my Privacy Policy here for more info.

Check out my other London Date Night Spots

Transribed Video

Have you ever been talking to a girl and suddenly she starts dropping off, the behavior starts to change, a bit slower messaging you back? It’s not random, it’s a test. And most guys fail this test. Now if you fail this test, you’re going to come across as insecure and weak.

If you pass this test, then you’re going to come across as a guy that is much more higher value and a guy that she’s going to enjoy chasing. Now in this video, I’m going to share with you three of the biggest tests women give you, why they do it and how to overcome it. Okay, let’s take a look at why women do this, socially, biologically.

Let’s take a look at biologically first. Biologically, we know that women are drawn towards confident, strong men that have leadership skills. And we know that they do this because they need to identify which category you fall into.

Whether you’re a guy that is insecure, weak and needy, or a guy that’s got his shit together and is secure and makes her feel safe. Think about it, if you’re insecure about yourself, then how are you going to offer her security? You see, a high value guy doesn’t trip up on small challenges. And look, you’ve got to think about it, when she goes out with her friends, okay, she goes out of her friend, she goes out, she gets hit on, right? She gets hit on many times a night.

So a woman has to put something in place to identify which category men fall into. Now, a lot of guys are so unconscious of this, they just fall into the trap of disqualifying themselves. Let’s have a look at this, the attitude test.

What does it look like? The attitude test is where she is challenging or disagreeing with your frame, your behavior, okay? What does it look like? It might be something like, why aren’t you drinking? Or why are you talking to us? Well, you look gay, right? It might be, wow, you’re really full of yourself. What’s key here is to be unshakable, right? How you pass the test is to be unshakable. And I get it, you know, sometimes you get out there and you’ll be stifled.

You might be just like, wow, you know, I didn’t really know what to say in that moment. So you’ll take an L, right? You’ll take a loss in that moment. But what you must do is go home and think about, you know, what would be something that I would say if something like that would ever come up again? And then you start training yourself to be improvised and thinking on the spot, right? And having witty comebacks.

And slowly and surely, you will become unshakable. This is what they’re looking for, okay? So let me just give you some examples here. So if someone said to me, well, why are you dressed like that? Are you gay? You know, let’s say you dress like flamboyantly or something.

Or you’re over gesticulating with your arms or whatever. An unshakable response might be, wow, I can only suggest you compliment me on my dress sense, okay? You see, you’ve got to have something witty to come back with or you let it go over your head and you keep on

going forward, okay? Now, what might be another one? You’re really full of yourself. Oh, wow, you got me.

I guess I am. Do you see? It’s not like, oh, why are you attacking me, right? It’s something playful you’ve got to come back with. If you be that guy, you’ll overcome this test.

Okay, let’s look at this next one. It’s when she becomes distant, right? And how does that look? How does it look? It looks like when she is dropping off her communication with her text messaging, okay? She might cancel a date. You got to ask yourself, what would a man of value do in these circumstances, okay? Well, he certainly wouldn’t double up his text, triple up his text, you know, why? Because where’s that coming from? It’s coming from an emotional place.

So we mustn’t respond emotionally to the situation, okay? Whatever energy they’ve given off, just match it. Remember, you want to come across as unshakable and calm. It’s going to make them feel more safe.

So if she says she can’t make the date, just say something like, cool, I’ll see you on the other side, right? And then you may follow up with her next week or whatever, or you put some space in between you two and she comes back to you. The same thing with the messaging, right? If you see the drop-off, just match the pace, match the pace, pique her interest. And here’s the key thing.

When she comes back, you mustn’t punish her. What does punishment look like? Oh, why did your texting start to look like that? Or, oh, why did you cancel our date? Okay, that is so key, okay? She was testing you, you overcome the test, let’s move forward. Okay, the next one, jealousy.

Let’s say that she mentions another guy’s name. It might be the fact that she got hit on at work or when she was out with the girls or she brings up an ex-boyfriend’s name, okay? Most guys fail this test because they choose to ignore it, right? They bottle it up or they start competing and getting jealous. How you pass this test, again, think about it.

What would a man that has unshakable confidence do in this situation? How would he respond? Well, look, if you’re in the business, right, of having beautiful women in your life, you’ve chose to pursue beautiful women. Sorry to say, dude, it’s part of the package. Guys are probably going to give it a go, right? They’re going to get hit on.

Yeah, your woman’s going to get hit on. So, in response to the situation, you’d look at it and go, well, what can I say? He must have good taste, okay? You know what? Maybe we should start a fan club. What do you think, right? It shows that you’re secure, you’re calm, and you can add a bit of humor into the situation.

But showing signs that you’re jealous or you’re going to compete, no, it’s not attractive, okay? You’re going to fail the test. Okay, so let’s have a bit of a recap. If it’s an attitude test, you respond with playfulness or you become unfazed.

If it’s a pullback test, you match the energy and you certainly don’t chase. If it’s a jealousy test, again, it’s humor and you remain confident. So, there you have it, guys.

I hope these tips have been helpful for you. And if you want more of a breakdown of this sort of stuff, do hit subscribe and hit test past in the comments to continue the discussion. Thanks a lot, guys.

How to Meet New People in time for Christmas 🎄

As the festive season comes to life, so does the perfect opportunity to meet new people before Christmas. December is one of the most sociable months of the year parties, dinners, and celebrations everywhere and people are more open than ever to connection.

Whether you’re single and ready to date, or simply want to expand your social circle, here are my top dating tips for meeting someone new before Christmas.

1. Say Yes to More Invitations

The best way to meet new people before Christmas is simple get out there!
Office parties, drinks with friends, community events, charity fundraisers they’re all filled with people in good spirits. Even if you’re tired or tempted to stay home, push yourself to go. You never know who might be standing by the bar, waiting to meet someone like you.

2. Go Solo and Be Bold

You don’t always need a plus-one. Attending events alone shows confidence and openness, two qualities people are drawn to. If you go to a Christmas market, a festive workshop, or a singles night, walk in with a smile. Confidence isn’t about being loud, it’s about being comfortable in your own skin.

remember, everyone feels a little nervous — you’re not alone!

3. Try a New Festive Activity

Seasonal events are wonderful icebreakers. Try things like:

• Christmas wreath-making or cooking classes
• Ice skating or dancing
• Volunteering at a local charity event

These shared experiences make conversation effortless and help you meet people who share your values and energy.

4. Refresh Your Online Dating Profile

If you’re using dating apps, now’s the time to freshen up your photos and bio. Add something festive and light-hearted like, “Looking for someone to share mince pies and laughter with this Christmas.”

Online dating activity increases in the lead-up to Christmas, so be active, positive, and intentional about what (and who) you’re looking for.

5. Be the Host and the Connector

Why not create your own opportunities to meet new people?
Host a cosy drinks night, a dinner, or a Christmas jumper evening. When you gather people together, new introductions naturally happen and you might just end up meeting someone through a friend of a friend.

6. Keep an Open Mind

Meeting someone new before Christmas isn’t just about romance. Every new connection — whether a new friend, colleague, or neighbour expands your energy and possibilities.

Let go of expectations and approach people with curiosity. That easy conversation you start at the Christmas market could be the beginning of something special.

7. Cultivate a Positive Dating Mindset

The holidays can bring up emotions, especially if you’ve been single for a while. But remember this is a time of joy, love, and possibility. Focus on what you do have to give, and the energy you’ll bring to a future partner.

When you feel open and grounded, the right people are naturally drawn to you.

 Final Thought:
This Christmas, let your sparkle shine. Be open, be kind, and say yes to life. The more you show up, the more opportunities you create for love and connection.

Your next great connection could be waiting under the mistletoe.

Contact me to book your one to one dating profile boost and dating overview!

https://datingcoach.me.uk/product/in-need-of-a-dating-overhaul-this-if-for-you/

With love

Jo Barnett

https://www.datingcoach.me.uk

http://www.jobarnett.com

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